Welcome to the 10th season of The League! For the new guys, here’s how the recap works. The games are ordered from the smallest margin of victory (Barn Burner of the Week) to the largest (Ass-Kicking of the Week). AKOTW standings (for both the winners and the losers) are also kept season-long. Top scorers for the week will be highlighted, with a “DNS” designation if they were not on the active roster. On to the recap…
BARN-BURNER (sort of) OF THE WEEK:
** Boycott LA (Matt) DEF The Little Guy (Kyle) by 2.04 points **
Yawn. Both teams combined for a total of 2 touchdowns. One from TLG’s Matt Schaub (QB – Hou / 10.66) and one from BL’s Antonio Gates (TE – SD / 11.05). Good God, I’m getting tired just typing this. Sorry guys, but your teams were pretty boring this week – not your fault! Next week BL plays Sobchak Security and TLG plays Mad Max’s Mama.
** Sobchak Security (Rick) DEF RN to the Rescue (Megan) by 3.38 points **
This one was a battle to the end, and RN was ultimately doomed by a lack of touchdowns. Only Tony Romo (QB – Dal / 21.81) scored a TD for RN this week, and Percy Harvin (WR – Min / 2.27) was obviously hobbled by the new scoring structure. It seems that SS’s Chad Ochocinco (WR – Cin / 16.95) was a difference-maker in this one, with a 12-catch, 159-yard afternoon and a touchdown cherry on top. Also not hurting matters was the 3-sack, 2-pick game from Philadelphia’s defense (9.14). Next week SS will battle the poorly-named Boycott LA and RN will try to ramp up production when they take on Favre Failure Wagon.
** Undefeated (Bob) DEF Pack-Men (Brett) by 3.81 points **
Though UD’s Mike Sims-Walker (WR – Jac / 0.00) was essentially a no-show against the Broncos, PM’s Michael Crabtree (WR – SF / 1.10) might as well have been, so this was pretty much a wash. There was a lot of sadness, like UD’s Garrett Hartley (K – NO / -1.00) and PM’s Greg Olsen (TE – Chi / 0.85). Ultimately UD pulled ahead of the whippersnapper from Tucson by a couple of points. Next week UD will try to avoid the wrath of PM’s wife when he plays her Green Eggs team. PM will play Two-Hand Touch.
** Favre Failure Wagon (Steve) DEF Boss Hogg (Jordan) by 12.15 points **
Wow – both QB’s came to play in this one. FFW’s Peyton Manning (QB – Ind / 40.37) and BH’s Tom Brady (QB – NE / 31.62) put up stellar numbers, but Manning makes up a bigger piece of the offensive pie for his team and therefore was a bigger producer. Had Boss Hogg played the previously unknown Arian Foster (RB – Hou / 46.65) he would have won, but I’m not sure anybody would have started Foster over Maurice Jones-Drew (RB – Jac / 17.90), especially against the Broncos shitty defense. Next Week BH plays Play to Win the Game (may all of Brady’s passes go to Welker) and FFW plays RN to the Rescue.
** Brown’s Backups (Josh) DEF Two-Hand Touch (Rex) by 18.23 points **
Poutyface Jay Cutler (QB – Chi / 27.98) helped make the difference for Brown’s Backups on this one, as THT’s Matt Ryan (QB – Atl / 13.15) had a decent game but was held without a touchdown this week. As a matter of fact, only one player on THT’s squad scored a TD this week: Reggie Wayne (WR – Ind / 12.70). Of note was that both kickers had great games: BB’s Mason Crosby (K – GB / 16.00) and THT’s David Akers (K – Phi / 12.00). Next week BB’s looks to continue his success against Sexual Chocolate while THT will battle the Pack-Men.
** Play to Win the Game (Jeff) DEF Sexual Chocolate (John) by 22.19 points **
John (SC) was hampered in this one by pretty much every guy on his team. With the exception of Steve Smith (WR – Car / 11.00) and the Blue Jesus Chris Johnson (RB – Ten / 34.00), his players underperformed. Things were a little rosier on the other side of the matchup – PTW got favorable performances from Drew Brees (QB – NO / 21.22) and Wes Welker (WR – NE / 17.20), who was evidently forgotten about. Next week SC plays Brown’s Backups and PTW plays Boss Hogg.
ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** Mad Max’s Mama (Kerri) DEF Green Eggs (Sam) by 24.05 points **
This affair was over with pretty early Monday night. The only notable performance was MMM’s Hakeem Nicks (WR – NYG / 22.75). Aside from that, the performances were all pretty disappointing – until you get to the bench players, that is. GE would have benefited from the services of David Garrard (QB – Jac / 30.86) as much as MMM would have from Carson Palmer (QB – Cin / 30.81). Both teams could have used their bench RB’s, as well. Next week MMM plays The Little Guy and GE plays the so-far-accurately-named Undefeated.
** Superstars of the Week **
1. Arian Foster (RB – Hou – Boss Hogg / DNS) 46.65 pts
2. Peyton Manning (QB – Ind – Favre Failure Wagon) 40.37 pts
3. Chris Johnson (RB – Ten – Sexual Chocolate) 34.00 pts
4. Tom Brady (QB – NE – Boss Hogg) 31.62 pts
5. David Garrard (QB – Jac – GrNeGgSnHaM / DNS) 30.86 pts
** AKOTW Standings **
1. Mad Max’s Mama (1-0) - Week 1 vs GrNeGgSnHaM
