2010 Final recap, end-of-year rankings

** CHAMPIONSHIP GAME **
[2] Undefeated (Bob) DEF Favre Failure Wagon (Steve)

It looks as though this game would have been all Steve's: crappy games from UD's Vincent Jackson (WR - SD / 3.70) and Kevin Boss (TE - NYG / 0.00) put him in a great position to win. But a game-ending injury to FFW's Michael Tolbert (RB - SD / -0.10) was a killer.

"But you have to let me off this stretcher - Steve's team needs me!"

But this loss could also have been blamed on Matt Bryant (K - Atl / 2.00), the Chargers Defense (3.78), or Marcedes Lewis (TE - Jac / 2.60).  Going into the Tuesday night game, all Bob needed from his QB was less than 7 points.  Unfortunately for Steve, UD's Quarterback is Mike Vick (QB - Phi / 27.41), who had a strong point value despite a pretty mediocre Eagles loss.  Favre Failure Wagon falls to a 4-2 playoff record (still, not too shabby!) and Undefeated goes to 11-7 in post-season play.  This is Bob's 3rd championship victory in 5 tries, and Steve's second-straight championship appearance; his only losses in the playoffs have been 2 championship games.  You'll get one someday, Steve.

The championship game, like many football championships, was not a particularly exciting one.  But both managers worked hard to get their teams into the playoffs and dominated once they got there.  Winning this season is something to be particularly proud of, since this season had a whopping 14 teams and a large number of fantasy football veterans - finishing with the first place trophy was no easy task.

As for next year, I hope to see you all back.  If you didn't perform well this year, remember that next season is a clean slate and anything could happen.  Please be sure to submit any suggested scoring / roster / rule changes to the Facebook group (which I made a secret one so only members can see it.  I know you're all afraid of being outed as fantasy football nerds).  Thanks for playing!

** FINAL STANDINGS **

Your final standings are below.  I put the regular season finishing rank as well as the variance to that rank from the final standings.

1. Undefeated  /  finished #2 (+1)
2. Favre Failure Wagon  /  finished #4 (+2)
3. Play to Win the Game  /  finished #1 (-2)
4. Mad Max's Mama  /  finished #6 (+2)
5. Sobchak Security  /  finished #3 (-2)
6. Pack Men  /  finished #5 (-1)
7. Little Guy  /  finished #8 (+1)
8. Sexual Chocolate  /  finished #11 (+3)
9. Brown's Backups  /  finished #7 (-2)
10. Boss Hogg  /  finished #9 (-1)
11. RN to the Rescue  /  finished #12 (+1)
12. Boycott LA  /  finished #10 (-2)
13. Two-Hand Touch  /  finished #13 (+0)
14. G-Unit  /  finished #14 (+0)

Season 2010 Playoffs; Week 2

Congratulations to the following teams, who won their place games:

Sobchak Security (7th Place)
RN to the Rescue (11th place)

** [4] Favre Failure Wagon DEF [1] Play to Win the Game **
This game looked to be in the bag for Play to Win the Game.  The only two remaining active players heading into Sunday night's game were his, and they were his best Wide Receivers.  Unfortunately for him, Wes Welker (WR - NE / 2.85) and Danny Woodhead (WR/RB - NE / 8.30) shit the bed.  Even the stellar effort from the Falcons defense (18.16) couldn't overcome the works of FFW's Peyton Manning (QB - Ind / 25.79) and a consistent effort across the board.  Next week FFW plays Undefeated in the championship, while PTW looks to avoid another embarrassment against his wife for third place.

** [2] Undefeated DEF [6] Mad Max's Mama **
Kerri had this game in the bag.  That is, until the freak show that is Michael Vick (QB - Phi / 45.66) busted out for more points in the fourth quarter than I've ever seen.  Without Vick, Undefeated's roster averaged 9.5 points.  It was an impressive effort from Kerri, though - Philip Rivers (QB - SD / 30.55) had another great game and the rest of her roster was strong - 5 of 7 players scored in the double digits.  Mike Vick has not just killed a bunch of innocent dogs - he's also killed Kerri's playoff chances.  Next week Undefeated takes on Favre Failure Wagon for the championship; Mad Max's Mama looks to continue her dominance against Play to Win the Game.

[2] Undefeated -vs- [4] Favre Failure Wagon

The teams, at a glance:
Playoff Winning Percentage: Undefeated (.411% - .800 %)
2010 Head-to-Head: Undefeated (1-0) Favre Failure Wagon
2009 Head-to-Head: Undefeated (1-1) Favre Failure Wagon
Championship appearances: Undefeated (4-2) Favre Failure Wagon
Championships: Undefeated (2-0) Favre Failure Wagon
Percentage of head covered by hair: Undefeated (35%-0%) Favre Failure Wagon

This is a rematch of last year's semifinals, where Steve handed Bob his first loss in 8 weeks on his way to his championship game.  Head-to-Head, they don't have much of a history - Bob has won twice, Steve once.  There's not much to say about this matchup.  Both teams have been the cream of the crop all season long, and are well-deserving of the honor that comes with the biggest season yet of the league.  Can Bob win his third championship, or will the playoff juggernaut Steve win his first championship in just two tries?

Good luck, guys (you bastards).

Season 2010 Playoffs; Week 1

Congratulations to this week's winners, including Sexual Chocolate and Boss Hogg, who advanced in the consolation playoffs.  Sexual Chocolate will play Browns Backups and Boss Hogg will play The Little Guy for the right to battle for 7th place.  It's better than a poke in the eye.  Slightly.

This week's recap:

** [4] Favre Failure Wagon DEF [5] Pack-Men **
Statistically speaking, Pack-Men was projected to win this one.   His QB alone was slated to get almost 30 points, and Steve's just got through with two piss-poor games.  But Favre Failure Wagon had an optimal lineup and Pack-Men's squad simply let him down.  FFW finally got another strong game from Peyton Manning (QB - Ind / 27.36) and the Chargers Defense (16.06) pitched a shutout to bring FFW to a 3-1 record all-time in the championship playoffs.  Brett is now 0-1 in the playoff but has nothing to be ashamed of - nobody expected Aaron Rodgers (QB - GB / 3.31) to throw a stinker in a 3-7 loss against Detroit.  Yes, I said Detroit.  It goes without saying that Donald Driver (WR - GB / 1.10) suffered from that as well.  Poor Brett's starting roster averaged 5.32 points with the exception of his defense.  Favre Failure Wagon will go on to play [1] Play to Win the Game in the Semifinals; Pack-Men goes on to play [3] Sobchak Security in the 5th Place Game.

** [6] Mad Max's Mama DEF [3] Sobchak Security **
Kerri is an impressive manager in the playoffs.  She is now 9-6 all-time in the playoffs and 3-0 against Rick all-time in elimination play.  Rick is now 3-6 in the playoffs.  So, how'd we get here?  The victory for MMM can be chalked up to general consistency from her players and some disappointing performances from otherwise solid Sobchak players (at least those on his active roster).  Rick was done no favors by Ben Roethlisberger (QB - Pit / 15.27), who had a productive game but no touchdowns.  But what really hurt Rick was the players he didn't start - Darren McFadden (RB - Oak / 37.20) and David Garrard (QB - Jac / 27.39) would have turned the tide for his team, but I wouldn't have played them, either.  Of note: Kerri's kicker David Akers (K - Phi / 19.00) outscored everybody else in the matchup with the exception of Philip Rivers (QB - SD / 20.21).  Mad Max's Mama will play [2] Undefeated in the Semifinals; Sobchak Security will play Pack-Men in the 5th Place Game.

Next week's matchups:

[1] Play to Win the Game (playoff record: 10-5-1) -vs- [4] Favre Failure Wagon (playoff record: 3-1)
These teams have never faced off in the Playoffs and are 1-1 against one another all-time.  The last meeting was in week 5, when Favre Failure Wagon prevailed, 88.85 to 65.80.  They have a limited but significant history, and this is sure to be another classic.  Will FFW's Peyton Manning have a great game against Jacksonville, or will he shit the bed?  Can Jeff count on Peyton Hillis to have another monster performance, or is Mendenhall going to be his go-to back?  The winner will face the Undefeated/Mad Max's Mama winner in the Championship.  And yes, that is a tie in PTW's playoff record: his team "King of the Road" tied in the first round against "Cardsin2002" (Brad) in the 2002 playoffs.  Ultimately, Brad's team advanced since he had a better head-to-head record that year.

[2] Undefeated (playoff record: 9-7) -vs- Mad Max's Mama (playoff record: 9-6)
These teams are 1-1 against each other in the playoffs, but haven't met in elimination play since 2006.  Kerri won their week 9 matchup, which resulted in Bob's only loss in a 7-game span.  Will Philip Rivers get Kerri his typical 30 points, or his occasional 11?  (Hint: it's December.  He'll probably do just fine).  Can Bob shake off his 13 loss and take the playoffs series lead?  The winner will face the Play to Win the Game/Favre Failure Wagon victor.

Good luck, teams!

Season 2010 Week 13 Recap - Business Time!

Thanks to everybody for making this such a fun season - to those who made the playoffs, congratulations! Brett, you should be proud for being the only rookie to make it into the playoffs, though this is hardly your first rodeo. Good luck to the teams in the Consolation Playoffs, but I won't be posting recaps of those games. Sorry! I hope to see all of you next season and if you have scoring suggestions, please let me know.

First, the recaps.  Then a preview of next week's playoff matchups!

IN THE PLAYOFFS:
1. Play to Win the Game (10-3 / 1191.72)
2. Undefeated (9-4 / 1210.20)
3. Sobchak Security (9-4 / 1088.97)
4. Favre Failure Wagon (8-5 / 1100.17)
5. Pack-Men (8-5 / 1056.03)
6. Mad Max's Mama (8-5 / 1045.98)

CONSOLATION PLAYOFFS:
7. Brown's Backups (8-5 / 963.41)
8. The Little Guy (6-7 / 1053.26)
9. Boss Hogg (5-8 / 1097.32)
10. Boycott LA (5-8 / 1040.45)
11. Sexual Chocolate (5-8 / 963.32)
12. RN to the Rescue (4-9 / 991.50)

OUT:
13. G-Unit (3-9)
14. Two-Hand Touch (2-10)

BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** Mad Max's Mama (Kerri) DEF Boycott LA (Matt) by 3.66 points **
A close one!  Matt's only bright spot was Steven Jackson (RB - StL / 26.00).  Although Kerri's squad only had a few players in double-digits, her players were somehow more consistent.  She got an okay game from Philip Rivers (QB - SD / 18.50), but that's about it, too.  This is MMM's second straight win, but her team has to play better if she's going to make it in the playoffs.

** Two Hand Touch (Rex) DEF Undefeated (Bob) by 6.28 points **
Number 1 fell to the last-place team in the league.  What happened to Undefeated his week?  Champ Bailey happened.  The Denver cornerback held UD's Dwayne Bowe (WR - KC / 0.00) to a zero-catch game, helping to knock UD out of first place despite the tremendous game from Mike Vick (QB - Phi / 37.53).  THT also benefited from Matt Ryan (QB - Atl / 19.71) and Reggie Wayne (WR - Ind / 19.50).

** Brown's Backups (Josh) DEF G-Unit (Sam) by 22.73 points **
It's a bad game when G-Unit's Brandon Marshall (WR - Mia / 0.00) has more points in a zero-point game than Brett Favre (QB - Min / -2.00).  Poor Sam didn't have a chance against the likes of Michael Turner (RB - Atl / 22.40) and Jay Cutler (QB - Chi / 19.04).

** Boss Hogg (Jordan) DEF Pack-Men (Brett) by 31.08 points **
This one was close until BH's Tom Brady (QB - NE / 39.21) took out his whoopin' stick and beat the shit out of PM's Jets Defense (2.68).  That was pretty much all she wrote on that one, though Aaron Rodgers (QB - GB / 35.71) had a good game for PM.

** Sobchak Security (Rick) DEF Sexual Chocolate (John) by 36.24 points **
John needed only 38 points from his Tight End on Monday night to beat Rick and to my surprise, he didn't get it.  Does anybody know what's the matter with Chris Johnson (RB - Ten / 10.35)?  Rick got some decent points from LeSean McCoy (RB - Phi / 26.50) and Ben Roethlisberger (QB - Pit / 17.18), whose nose will be a little harder for the police sketch artist to draw in much detail.

** The Little Guy (Kyle) DEF Favre Failure Wagon (Steve) by 49.04 points **
We can second guess Steve's roster all we want.  After all, Ahmad Bradshaw (RB - NYG / 30.00) would have made it a little closer.  But facts are that even with an optimal lineup, TLG would have beaten him by 8 points thanks to Adrian Peterson (RB - Min / 31.65) and Matt Schaub (QB - Hou / 23.13), who are just two of THT's several strong players this week.  Woe to the team who faces Kyle in the Consolation playoffs!

ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** Play to Win the Game (Jeff) DEF RN to the Rescue (Megan) by 50.61 points **
It wasn't a pretty victory, but a victory was all Jeff needed to take sole posession of first place.  Megan was hamstrung by Percy Harvin (WR - Min / 0.00) and John Carlson (TE - Sea / 0.00), while Jeff was elevated by Drew Brees (QB - NO / 24.94) and the Rams defense (18.20).

** AKOTW Standings **
1. Undefeated (3-0) - Week 2 +39.78 vs GrNeGgSnHaM, Week 3 +17.64 vs Brown’s Backups, Week 7 +58.84 vs Sobchak Security
2. Play to Win the Game (2-0) - Week 11 +68.12 vs Boycott LA, Week 13 +50.61 vs RN to the Rescue
3. Boycott LA (1-2) - Week 8 +54.95 vs RN to the Rescue
4. Pack-Men (1-0) - Week 12 +53.72 vs RN to the Rescue
5. Boss Hogg (1-0) - Week 9 +52.76 vs RN to the Rescue
6. Sexual Chocolate (1-1) - Week 5 +47.88 vs Boycott LA
7. GrNeGgSnHaM (1-3) Week 4 +41.58 vs Sexual Chocolate
8. Sobchak Security (1-1) - Week 10 +34.72 vs Mad Max's Mama
9. RN to the Rescue (1-4) - Week 6 +26.35 vs GrNeGgSnHaM
10. Mad Max’s Mama (1-1) - Week 1 +24.05 vs GrNeGgSnHaM

PLAYOFF MATCHUPS:
** [4] Favre Failure Wagon -vs- [5] Pack-Men **
Since Brett is a Gardner League Rookie, this matchup doesn't have much of a history; in their first meeting, Brett had a huge game from Aaron Rodgers to hand FFW his second of 4 straight losses in the midst of a 1-for-6 finish to the season.  Can FFW's Peyton Manning shake off his low-scoring performances and lead FFW to another run in the playoffs, or will Pack-Men continue his hot streak and end Steve's season in the first round?  The winner will play [1] Play to Win the Game.

** [3] Sobchak Security -vs- [6] Mad Max's Mama **
This game is a rematch of the 2007 title game; it's also a rematch from 2005's semifinals, when Rick's previously undefeated Striving Buddhist squad had it's first meeting with losing.  Rick won this year's matchup to take a 6-5 lead in their all-time series, but here's a fun fact: Kerri is 2-0 against Rick in the playoffs.  So can Rick overcome his playoff slump, or will Kerri's squad continue their postseason dominance against him?  The winner will play [2] Undefeated.

Season 2010 Week 12 Recap

So, sorry about the inaccuracy of last week's recap - I hadn't refreshed my Stat Tracker and missed some key roster changes that resulted in a lot of wrong numbers on the Favre Failure Wagon / Undefeated match-up. Oops.

With one game left, there's still a lot of movement possible in the standings. The only teams who have clinched are UD and PTW, though FFW, SS and PM could technically miss the playoffs with a disasterous week and huge scores by the other 8-4 and 7-5 teams. It's safe to say that the only two teams that are really on the bubble are MMM and BB.

In an interesting twist, this last week will be a chance for a lot of teams to play spoilers: our top 7 teams will be playing the bottom 7, so there's a good chance for non-playoff teams to put a hurting on some of the big dogs.

Like last year, I will only be posting recaps of the playoff teams after next week. To those of you who didn't make the playoffs this year, don't worry - it was a tough league. I hope to see you all re-join next season! Remember that mass-dropping of players is against league rules - make sure to play nice!

The playoff picture:

IN (clinched playoff spot):
1. Undefeated (9-3 / 1136.75)
2. Play to Win the Game (9-3 / 1101.03)

IN (for now):
3. Favre Failure Wagon (8-4 / 1036.72)
4. Sobchak Security (8-4 / 1011.67)
5. Pack Men (8-4 / 989.19)
6. Mad Max's Mama (7-5 / 979.35)

MUST WIN (and get a little help):
7. Brown's Backups (7-5 / 890.72)

OUT:
8. Boycott LA (5-7)
9. The Little Guy (5-7)
10. Sexual Chocolate (5-7)
11. Boss Hogg (4-8)
12. RN to the Rescue (4-8)
13. G-Unit (3-9)
14. Two-Hand Touch (2-10)

BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** Mad Max's Mama (Kerri) DEF Two Hand Touch (Rex) by 3.5 points **
This matchup reminded me of that video with the giraffes fighting:

Which is to say, "awkward".  Kerri's leading scorer was David Akers (K - Phi / 22.00), and got less than 8 points from her receivers.  Rex got a strong game from Jamaal Charles (RB - KC / 24.30), but that's about it.  With her victory (and a Brown's Backups loss) this week, Kerri sneaks into the playoff picture.  Next week MMM (7-5) plays Boycott LA (4-8) and THT (2-10) plays Undefeated (9-3).

** Boycott LA (Matt) DEF Brown's Backups (Josh) by 7.84 points **
Jesus, this was close - thanks to the shellacking that San Francisco gave the Arizona defense (10.76) on Monday night, Boycott LA was only able to finally take the lead for good in the third or fourth quarter of that game. Both teams had huge games this week - Jay Cutler (QB - Chi / 38.91) and Michael Turner (RB - Atl / 23.45) held it down for Brown's Backups, while BLA took a more balanced approach with 5 of 7 players in double-digit scoring.  Next week BLA (4-8) plays Mad Max's Mama (7-5) and BB (7-5) plays G-Unit (3-9).

** Favre Failure Wagon (Steve) DEF G-Unit (Sam) by 23.51 points **
You simply cannot be unlucky enough to average less than 8 points per player and expect a victory.  Such is life for our dear Samantha, who has been screwed once again by her inconsistent team.  FFW, on the other hand, had a pretty consistent week as he put the brakes on a 4-game losing streak in time to almost certainly make the playoffs.  Next week FFW (8-4) plays The Little Guy (5-7) and G-Unit (3-9) plays Brown's Backups (7-5).

** Boss Hogg (Jordan) DEF Sobchak Security (Rick) by 34.61 points **
In an upset victory, BH helped to knock SS out of a three-way tie for first place and into a four-way tie for third - what a difference one game can make.  Leading the effort was Tom Brady (QB - NE / 41.04) and Arian Foster (RB - Hou / 28.15), who had tremendous games.  Big Ben Roethlisberger (QB - Pit / 13.43) had a pretty weak showing for Rick, though he was the highest scorer on SS's squad.  Next week BH (4-8) plays Pack Men (8-4) and Sobchak Security (8-4) plays Sexual Chocolate (5-7).

** Play to Win the Game (Jeff) DEF The Little Guy (Kyle) by 38.61 points **
Peyton Hillis (RB - Cle / 42.20) is most certainly my favorite football player named 'Peyton'.  5 of 7 scored in the double digits to keep PTW in the hunt for first place, though TLG definitely threatened thanks to Garrett Hartley (K - NO / 20.00) and Matt Schaub (QB - Hou / 24.24).  Next week PTW (9-3) looks to get revenge for his 2009 upset playoff loss against RN to the Rescue (4-8), while TLG (5-7) plays the formidable Favre Failure Wagon (8-4).

** Undefeated (Bob) DEF Sexual Chocolate (John) by 38.72 points **
Yikes.  UD had great games from Michael Vick (QB - Phi / 33.46) and Dwayne Bowe (WR - KC / 29.75), while SC had great games from... nobody, really.  Eli Manning (QB - NYG / 23.41) is the only player in double digits, and all but one other player scored less than seven points.  Next week UD (9-3) plays Two Hand Touch (2-10) and SC (5-7) plays Sobchak Security (8-4).

ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** Pack Men (Brett) DEF RN to the Rescue (Megan) by 53.72 points **
Even a goose egg from Austin Collie (WR - Ind / 0.00) didn't stop Pack Men from laying down some serious points on an unlucky RN, who has pretty much gotten screwed by the Fantasy Football Gods this year.  I say again, about the hubris.  For the second straight year, the defending champion missed the playoffs - can this year's winner avoid the same fate next year?  Next week Pack-Men (8-4) plays Boss Hogg (4-8) and RN to the Rescue (4-8) plays Play to Win the Game (9-3).

** Superstars of the Week **
1. Peyton Hillis (RB – Cle – Play to Win the Game) 42.20 pts
2. Tom Brady (QB – NE – Boss Hogg) 41.04 pts
3. Matt Cassel (QB – KC – Favre Failure Wagon / DNS) 40.06 pts
4. Jay Cutler (QB - Chi - Browns Backups) 38.91 pts
5. Aaron Rodgers (QB– GB – Pack Men) 34.88 pts

** AKOTW Standings **
1. Undefeated (3-0) - Week 2 +39.78 vs GrNeGgSnHaM, Week 3 +17.64 vs Brown’s Backups, Week 7 +58.84 vs Sobchak Security
2. Play to Win the Game (1-0) - Week 11 +68.12 vs Boycott LA
3. Boycott LA (1-2) - Week 8 +54.95 vs RN to the Rescue
4. Pack-Men (1-0) - Week 12 +53.72 vs RN to the Rescue
5. Boss Hogg (1-0) - Week 9 +52.76 vs RN to the Rescue
6. Sexual Chocolate (1-1) - Week 5 +47.88 vs Boycott LA
7. GrNeGgSnHaM (1-3) Week 4 +41.58 vs Sexual Chocolate
8. Sobchak Security (1-1) - Week 10 +34.72 vs Mad Max's Mama
9. RN to the Rescue (1-3) - Week 6 +26.35 vs GrNeGgSnHaM
10. Mad Max’s Mama (1-1) - Week 1 +24.05 vs GrNeGgSnHaM

Season 2010 Week 11 Recap

I apologize for not posting last week - it was a long week and I just couldn't find the time or motivation. Congrats to Sobchak Security on their Ass-Kicking of the Week award for week 10. Now let's get on with this week's recap:

IN (for now):
1. Play to Win the Game (8-3)
2. Sobchak Security (8-3)
3. Favre Failure Wagon (8-3)
4. Undefeated (7-4)
5. Pack Men (7-4)
6. Brown's Backups (7-4)

ON THE BUBBLE (so close):
7. Mad Max's Mama (6-5)

MUST WIN OUT (and get a little help):
8. Sexual Chocolate (5-6)
9. The Little Guy (5-6)

OUT:
10. RN to the Rescue (4-7)
11. Boycott LA (4-7)
12. Boss Hogg (3-8)
13. G-Unit (3-8)
14. Two-Hand Touch (2-9)

*Remember that tie-breaks are determined by total points scored. A lot of teams have the same record so, one loss could mean a huge drop in the standings. SO UPDATE YOUR ROSTERS!

BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** Favre Failure Wagon (Steve) DEF Undefeated (Bob) by 2.50 points **
It wasn't over until late Monday night, when Brandon Lloyd (WR - Den / 11.40) caught a touchdown to break Steve's three-game winning streak and knock Undefeated out of first place.  Both teams had a pretty good game, but Steve's team was more consistent across the board.  Next week FFW (8-3) plays G-Unit (3-8) and UD (7-4) plays Sexual Chocolate (5-6).

** Sobchak Security (Rick) DEF G-Unit (Sam) by 5.36 points **

Rick maintained a share of first place with a victory thanks to another solid game from LeSean McCoy (RB - Phi / 21.25) and -I'm not kidding here- David Garrard (QB - Jac / 18.21).  Brett Favre (QB - Min / 8.69) didn't do Sam any favors, though Nick Folk (K - NYJ / 17.00) continues to kick ass.  Next week SS (8-3) plays Boss Hogg (3-8) and G-Unit (3-8) will look to spoil the chances of Favre Failure Wagon (8-3).

** Pack Men (Brett) DEF Mad Max's Mama (Kerri) by 10.97 points **
Thanks to another great game from Aaron Rodgers (QB - GB / 40.65) and Fred Jackson (RB - Buf / 29.70), Brett has continued his hot streak (seven wins in the last nine games).  Kerri's team struggled pretty much across the board, including tepid games from Dustin Keller (TE - NYJ / 0.85) and Jahvid Best (RB - Det / 3.35).  Next week PM (7-4) plays RN to the Rescue (4-7) and MMM (6-5) looks to get back into playoff contention against Two Hand Touch (2-9).

** Sexual Chocolate (John) DEF RN to the Rescue (Megan) by 11.96 points **

Thanks to Marques Colston (WR - NO / 19.65) and the Chicago defense (18.74), SC knocked RN down a couple of pegs.  Megan was done no favors by Vince Young (QB - Ten / 8.21), a roster change she lamented later - Ryan Fitzpatrick (QB - Buf / 35.33) was left on her bench.  Next week SC (5-6) plays Undefeated (7-4) and RN (4-7) plays Pack-Men (7-4).

** Two Hand Touch (Rex) DEF Boss Hogg (Jordan) by 17.58 points **
In a surprisingly strong game, Rex dealt a fatal blow to Jordan's chances of making the playoffs.  Highest up in Rex's stable of high-scorers was Matt Ryan (QB - Atl / 28.63) and Pittsburgh (21.14).  Boss Hogg had strong games from Maurice Jones-Drew (RB - Jac / 25.25) and Tom Brady (QB - NE / 23.96), but it wasn't enough.  Next week THT (2-9) will battle Mad Max's Mama (6-5) and Boss Hogg (3-8) will look to knock Sobchak Security (8-3) out of first place.

** Brown's Backups (Josh) DEF The Little Guy (Kyle) by 23.51 points **
Poor Kyle.  Pierre Garcon (WR - Ind / 4.35) had an uncharacteristically weak game, along with Anquan Boldin (WR - Bal / 0.20) and Garrett Hartley (K - NO / 1.00).  All Josh needed was a few strong games like he got from Michael Turner (RB - Atl / 26.60) to seal the seal.  Next week BB (7-4) looks to maintain his playoff spot against Boycott LA (4-6) and TLG (5-5) tries to prevent slipping out of playoff contention against Play to Win the Game (8-3).

ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** Play to Win the Game (Jeff) DEF Boycott LA (Matt) by 68.12 points **
That's a paddlin'.  Drew Brees (QB - NO / 38.16) and Peyton Hillis (RB - Cle / 25.15) laid the smack down on the likes of Andre Johnson (WR - Hou / 2.60), Dan Carpenter (K - Mia / 0.00) and the Arizona defense (0.82).  Next week PTW (8-3) plays The Little Guy (5-5) and BLA (4-7) plays Brown's Backups (7-4).

** Superstars of the Week **
1. Aaron Rodgers (QB – GB – Pack Men) 40.65 pts
2. Ben Roethlisberger (QB – Pit – Sobchak Security / DNS) 40.61 pts
3. Peyton Manning (QB – Ind – Favre Failure Wagon) 38.81 pts
4. Drew Brees (QB– NO – Play to Win the Game) 38.16 pts
5. Ryan Fitzpatrick (QB – Buf – RN to the Rescue / DNS) 35.33 pts

** AKOTW Standings **
1. Undefeated (3-0) - Week 2 +39.78 vs GrNeGgSnHaM, Week 3 +17.64 vs Brown’s Backups, Week 7 +58.84 vs Sobchak Security
2. Play to Win the Game (1-0) - Week 11 +68.12 vs Boycott LA
3. Boycott LA (1-2) - Week 8 +54.95 vs RN to the Rescue
4. Boss Hogg (1-0) - Week 9 +52.76 vs RN to the Rescue
5. Sexual Chocolate (1-1) - Week 5 +47.88 vs Boycott LA
6. GrNeGgSnHaM (1-3) Week 4 +41.58 vs Sexual Chocolate
7. Sobchak Security (1-1) - Week 10 +34.72 vs Mad Max's Mama
8. RN to the Rescue (1-2) - Week 6 +26.35 vs GrNeGgSnHaM
9. Mad Max’s Mama (1-1) - Week 1 +24.05 vs GrNeGgSnHaM

Lazy!

Sorry folks, but I don't feel like writing a recap this week. Things are crazy at work and I'm sleepy. I might write a quick something on the state of the league later this week.

Season 2010 Week 09 Recap

We'll start with the playoff picture:

IN (for now):
1. Favre Failure Wagon (7-2)
2. Undefeated (6-3)
3. Play to Win the Game (6-3)
4. Sobchak Security (6-3)
5. Mad Max's Mama (6-3)
6. Pack-Men (6-3)

ON THE BUBBLE (so close):
7. Brown's Backups (5-4)
8. Boycott LA (4-5)
9. The Little Guy (4-5)

UH-OH (still have a chance):
10. RN to the Rescue (3-6)
11. Boss Hogg (3-6)
12. Sexual Chocolate (3-6)
13. G-Unit (3-6)

BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR (sorry, Rex):
14. Two-Hand Touch (1-8)

*Remember that tie-breaks are determined by total points scored. A lot of teams have the same record so, one loss could mean a huge drop in the standings. SO UPDATE YOUR ROSTERS!
Also - the #7 - #12 teams still have a chance at the consolation round of the playoffs. Keep hope alive, guys!

BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** Mad Max's Mama (Kerri) DEF Undefeated (Bob) by 2.08 points **
Another close one for UD, but this time he came out on the losing end. It wasn't the fault of Mike Vick (QB - Phi / 31.18), though - no, it was MMM's Philip Rivers (QB - SD / 36.33) and David Akers (K - Phi / 21.00) that put her ahead. Both MMM and UD join the unexclusive 6-3 club and the glut of teams that are tied for second place. Next week MMM (6-3) looks to break away against Sobchack Security (6-3) and UD (6-3) will look to avoid dropping in the standings against Boycott LA (4-5).

** G-Unit (Sam) DEF Boycott LA (Matt) by 6.89 points **
Another game that was decided late; G-Unit pulled ahead for good thanks to a short TD run from Cedric Benson (RB - Cin / 19.20) in the fourth quarter of Monday Night Football. BLA made it respectable with good games from Joe Flacco (QB - Bal / 26.95) and the Arizona Defense (29.10), but he really missed having Stephen Jackson (RB - StL / BYE), who had a bye this week. Next week G-Unit (3-6) plays The Little Guy (4-5) and Boycott LA (4-5) will play Undefeated (6-3).

** Pack Men (Brett) DEF Favre Failure Wagon (Steve) by 13.07 points **
Thanks to an unbelievable game from Aaron Rodgers (QB - GB / 37.56) and the Green Bay Defense (33.48), Pack Men was able to overcome an otherwise lackluster roster and FFW's Ahmad Bradshaw (RB - NYG / 27.10) and hand Steve his second straight loss (while earning his FIFTH straight win!). Steve broke out early on in the season, but the peleton is pulling him back in; will he have the stamina to maintain his lead, or will be be absorbed into the pack of 7 other teams that are within striking distance? We'll find out next week as FFW (7-2) plays Brown's Backups (5-4) and Pack-Men (6-3) battles Play to Win the Game (6-3).

** Sexual Chocolate (John) DEF Two Hand Touch (Rex) by 19.49 points **
Not much to say regarding this one. Eli Manning (QB - NYG / 31.99) gave John his best game of the season and Rex had 4 of 7 players score less than 7 points. Yikes. Next week SC (3-6) plays the resurgent Boss Hogg (3-6) and THT (1-8) will try to end RN to the Rescue's season (3-6).

** Play to Win the Game (Jeff) DEF Brown's Backups (Josh) by 21.44 points **
This one wasn't decided until early in the Monday night game when Rashard Mendenhall (RB - Pit / 24.25) scored on the Steeler's first drive to put PTW ahead for good. Josh's team put up a good fight, including games from Jay Cutler (QB - Chi / 26.07) and Michael Turner (RB - Atl / 29.35). But 5 of PTW's players scored in double-digits to propel him to victory. Next week PTW (6-3) plays the scorching hot Pack-Men (6-3) and BB (5-4) plays the suddenly worried Favre Failure Wagon (7-2).

** Sobchak Security (Rick) DEF The Little Guy (Kyle) by 22.38 points **
This one was actually closer than it looks - at least until Monday night when Ben Roethlisberger (QB - 16.06) and Terrell Owens (WR - Cin / 21.55) played. Kyle had three players score less than 3 points, so that's about all she wrote. Aside from Adrian Peterson (RB - Min / 27.70), Kyle's bright spot was his kicker. Next week SS (6-3) plays the lovely Mad Max's Mama (6-3) and TLG (4-5) looks to get back to .500 when he pays G-Unit (3-6)

ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** Boss Hogg (Jordan) DEF RN to the Rescue (Megan) by 52.76 points **
Whoa. Without Kellen Winslow (TE - TB / 2.30), BH's team averaged over 20 points each in a blistering victory against slumping RN to the Rescue. RN's chances are on life support this week thanks to a lack of circulation from John Carlson (TE - Sea / 0.95) and the New England Defense (2.12). Next week BH (3-6) looks for his fourth straight against Sexual Chocolate (3-6) and RN (3-6) looks to build her confidence against league punching bag Two Hand Touch (1-8).

** Superstars of the Week **
1. Aaron Rodgers (QB – GB – Pack Men) 37.56 pts
2. Arian Foster (RB – Hou – Boss Hogg) 36.35
3. Philip Rivers (QB – SD – Mad Max's Mama) 36.33 pts
4. Peyton Hillis (RB– Cle – Play to Win the Game / DNS) 36.25 pts
5. Matthew Stafford (QB – Det – G-Unit) 32.41 pts

** AKOTW Standings **
1. Undefeated (3-0) - Week 2 +39.78 vs GrNeGgSnHaM, Week 3 +17.64 vs Brown’s Backups, Week 7 +58.84 vs Sobchak Security
2. Boycott LA (1-1) - Week 8 +54.95 vs RN to the Rescue
3. Boss Hogg (1-0) - Week 9 +52.76 vs RN to the Rescue
4. Sexual Chocolate (1-1) - Week 5 +47.88 vs Boycott LA
5. GrNeGgSnHaM (1-3) Week 4 +41.58 vs Sexual Chocolate
6. RN to the Rescue (1-2) - Week 6 +26.35 vs GrNeGgSnHaM
5. Mad Max’s Mama (1-0) - Week 1 +24.05 vs GrNeGgSnHaM

Season 2010 Week 08 Recap

In editing week 9, I accidentally deleted week 8. So sue me.

Season 2010 Week 07 Recap

This season is getting interesting.  With losses by both Brown's Backups (5-2) and Play to Win the Game (5-2), Favre Failure Wagon (7-0) earns a two-game buffer hold on first place in the league.  Will anybody be able to challenge Steve?  There is a three-way tie for second place, including Undefeated (5-2) and the aforementioned losers of this week.  (Undefeated leads on the points tiebreaker with a 54-point advantage over PTW and nearly 150 over BB).  Spots 5, 6 and 7 are occupied by teams with a 4-3 record, with another three teams only a game behind at 3-4.

The point is this: only two games separate 2nd from 9th place.  With six games remaining before the playoffs, no teams are out of the hunt.  In fact, those who are fortunate enough to occupy one of the top 6 spots are only a injury away from being on the outside looking in.

BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** The Little Guy (Kyle) DEF RN to the Rescue (Megan) by 0.93 points **
Man, did this one go back and forth!  Monday night saw these two see-sawing for the supreme squad sobriquet in their swanky suite in DC.  Ultimately, an injury to Tony Romo (QB - Dal / 8.36) doomed an otherwise stellar RN team - in fact, he was the only single-digit scorer on the team.   Kyle's team was all over the place, but it didn't matter - Matt Cassel (QB - KC / 20.76) and Adrian Peterson (RB - Min / 29.10) really brought their A-Game.  Next week TLG (3-4) will play Two-Hand Touch (1-6) and RN (3-4) will take on Boycott LA (3-4).

** Favre Failure Wagon (Steve) DEF Sexual Chocolate (John) by 8.20 points **
John almost handed Steve his first loss of the season this week, but almost doesn't count and Steve is looking more powerful by the week.  Even with shit games from Brandon Lloyd (WR - Den / 2.55) and Jeremy Shockey (TE - NO / 2.00), he defeated John's squad that included the Bears Defense (21.80) and Chris Johnson (RB - TE / 16.15).  Next week FFW (7-0) will play Sobchak Security (4-3) and Sexual Chocolate (2-5) will play Mad Max's Mama (4-3).

** Boycott LA (Matt) DEF Two Hand Touch (Rex) by 11.31 points **
Earlier in the week Rex called this one an "easy win".  Guess he spoke too soon, since Matt took this one thanks to several unremarkable but solid games from Steven Jackson (RB - StL / 18.75) and Hines Ward (WR - Pit / 14.30) while Rex had three players under 6 points.  Next week THT (1-6) plays The Little Guy (3-4) and Boycott LA (3-4) plays RN to the Rescue (3-4).

** Boss Hogg (Jordan) DEF Brown's Backups (Josh) by 15.71 points **
For Jordan, last week's good fortunes carried over to this week as he earned his first victory on the backs of Maurice Jones-Drew (RB - Jac / 21.30) and Tom Brady (QB - NE / 16.34).  Josh got some serious points from Michael Turner (RB - Atl / 31.20), but that didn't make up for low totals from Roy Williams (WR - Dal / 0.00), Miles Austin (WR - Dal / 2.65) and Brent Celek (TE - Phi / 0.90).  Next week BH (1-6) plays G-Unit (2-5) while BB (5-2) will play Pack-Men (4-3).

** Pack Men (Brett) DEF G-Unit (Sam) by 29.43 points **
Poor Samantha can't catch a break - Brett Favre (QB - Min / 10.06) was pick-tastic and her highest point-scorer was Cedric Benson (RB - Cin / 12.05).  Meanwhile, Brett had strong games from Aaron Rodgers (QB - GB / 23.88) and Stephen Gostkowski (K - NE / 18.00) had a monster game, helping to propel Brett to his third straight victory.  Next week PM (4-3) will take on Brown's Backups (5-2) in an effort to get into the playoff picture.  G-Unit (2-5) will go after Boss Hogg (1-6).

** Mad Max's Mama (Kerri) DEF Play to Win the Game (Jeff) by 18.28 points **
Well, balls. Next week MMM (4-3) plays Sexual Chocolate (2-5) and PTW (5-2) will play Undefeated (5-2).

ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** Undefeated (Bob) DEF Sobchak Security (Rick) by 58.85 points **
Holy crapola.  Bob's team averaged over 20 points per player, with only Aaron Hernandez (TE - NE / 3.95) earning less than 16 points.  He would have kicked the hell out of any of us this week.  Ben Roethlisberger (QB - Pit / 25.93) continued his nice comeback game in a wasted effort against a gargantuan week from UD.  Next week UD (5-2) takes on Play to Win the Game (5-2) and Sobchak Security (4-3) will look to avoid a 4-game losing streak against Favre Failure Wagon (7-0).

** Superstars of the Week **
1. Darren McFadden (RB – Oak – Sobchak Security / DNS) 42.30 pts
2. Ryan Fitzpatrick (QB – Buf – Two Hand Touch / DNS) 40.94 pts
3. Carson Palmer (QB– Cin – Mad Max's Mama / DNS) 38.77 pts
4. Eli Manning (QB – NYG – Undefeated) 33.44 pts
5. Matt Ryan (QB – Atl – Two Hand Touch) 33.29 pts

** AKOTW Standings **
1. Undefeated (3-0) - Week 2 +39.78 vs GrNeGgSnHaM, Week 3 +17.64 vs Brown’s Backups, Week 7 +58.84 vs Sobchak Security
2. Sexual Chocolate (1-1) - Week 5 +47.88 vs Boycott LA
3. GrNeGgSnHaM (1-3) Week 4 +41.58 vs Sexual Chocolate
4. RN to the Rescue (1-0) - Week 6 +26.35 vs GrNeGgSnHaM
5. Mad Max’s Mama (1-0) - Week 1 +24.05 vs GrNeGgSnHaM

Season 2010 Week 06 Recap

BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** Brown's Backups (Josh) DEF Mad Max's Mama (Kerri) by 0.28 points **
Jeebus. This one wasn't exactly awe-inspiring, with only 5 of a combined 14 players in double-digit scoring, including BB's Jay Cutler (QB - Chi / 14.49), Michael Turner (RB - Atl / 10.20) and Mason Crosby (K - GB / 12.00). MMM had only 2 players in double digits, but was ultimately doomed by bad advice: somebody suggested Shonn Greene (RB - NYJ / 6.65) against Denver's pourous defense rather than the injured Jahvid Best (RB - Det / 9.85) against the G-Men. Ah, well. Guess you gotta make your own choices! Next week BB (5-1) goes for his fourth straight win against Boss Hogg (0-6) and MMM (3-3) looks to avoid a slide while enjoying revenge against Play to Win the Game (5-1).

** Pack Men (Brett) DEF Boycott LA (Matt) by 2.22 points **
This is a tale of two teams: Pack Men are on the way up after winning their last 2 games, and Boycott LA is free-falling after losing their last 2. Pretty much everybody was on their game for PM, including Aaron Rodgers (QB - GB / 26.14) and Stephen Gostkowski (K - NE / 16.00). Boycott LA was buoyed by Steven Jackson (RB - StL / 26.30), but leaving Joe Flacco (QB - Bal / 28.14) and Deion Branch (WR - NE / 13.50) on the bench ultimately doomed his squad. Next week PM (3-3) plays his lovely wife G-Unit (2-4), while BLA (2-4) will try to right the ship against his old friend Two-Hand Touch (1-5).

** Sexual Chocolate (John) DEF The Little Guy (Kyle) by 3.01 points **
It was all going according to plan for Kyle: he was up by a few points with less than 2 minutes left on the clock - in the bag, right? Wrong. Chris Johnson (RB - Ten / 26.05) took a 35-yard run to the house, handing John his second straight win and Kyle his second straight loss. Kyle was done no favors by Josh Cribbs (WR - Cle / 2.12), who got injured early in his game. John , however, got an uncharacteristically high score from Kevin Kolb (QB - Phi / 32.11). Next week SC (2-4) looks to continue his improvement against undefeated Favre Failure Wagon (6-0) and TLG (2-4) will try not to lose to his girlfriend RN to the Rescue (3-3).

** Undefeated (Bob) DEF Boss Hogg (Jordan) by 7.26 points **
Jordan nearly earned his first win this week, until the drubbing that Tennesee (18.18) gave Jacksonville on Monday night. He had 5 of 7 players in double-digits, including Arian Foster (RB - Hou / 27.35) and Tom Brady (QB - NE / 18.14). UD's roster was hot, with Eli Manning (QB - NYG / 22.51) and Frank Gore (RB - SF / 19.95). But it was Tennessee who put him over the top. Next week UD (4-2) will take on Sobchak Security (4-2) while Boss Hogg (0-6) looks to continue his high scores against Brown's Backups (5-1).

** Favre Failure Wagon (Steve) DEF Two-Hand Touch (Rex) by 8.86 points **
This was a close shave for Steve - though Rex benefited from Matt Ryan (QB - Atl / 21.54) and LaDanian Tomlinson (RB - NYJ / 23.85), he was unable to keep up with FFW's Peyton Manning (QB - Ind / 25.47), Greg Jennings (WR - GB / 14.15) and Ahmad Bradshaw (RB - NYG / 17.15). Next week FFW (6-0) looks to maintain perfection against streaking Sexual Chocolate (2-4), while THT (1-5) will play Boycott LA (2-4).

** Play to Win the Game (Jeff) DEF Sobchak Security (Rick) by 18.44 points **
Rick didn't have much of a chance this week. Thanks to bye weeks and injuries, even an optimal lineup wouldn't have beaten PTW - a team anchored by Drew Brees (QB - NO / 29.86) and Rashard Mendenhall (RB - Pit / 25.20). Meanwhile, SS got some points from probable date rapist Ben Roethlisberger (QB - Pit / 28.09) and LeSean McCoy (RB - Phi / 15.75). Next week PTW (5-1) will try to avoid emasculation against Mad Max's Mama (3-3) and Sobchak Security (4-2) looks to stop his two-game skid against Undefeated (4-2)

ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** RN to the Rescue (Megan) DEF G-Unit (Sam) by 26.35 points **
Megan's team won their second straight game this week, thanks to Tony Romo (QB - Dal / 29.89) and Ray Rice (RB - Bal / 22.30). G-Unit was hindered by David Garrard (QB - Jac / 1.15), who remembered that he's David Garrard. Marshawn Lynch (RB - Sea / 17.90) had a good game, though. Next week RN (3-3) will battle her boyfriend The Little Guy (2-4) and G-Unit (2-4) will take on her husband Pack Men (3-3) for fantasy football supremacy in the Yeoman Household.

** Superstars of the Week **
1. Kevin Kolb (QB – Phi – Sexual Chocolate) 32.11 pts
2. Tony Romo (QB – Dal – RN to the Rescue) 29.89 pts
3. Drew Brees (QB– NO – Play to Win the Game) 29.86 pts
4. Joe Flacco (QB – Bal – Boycott LA / DNS) 28.14 pts
5. Ben Roethlisberger (QB – Pit – Sobchak Security) 28.09 pts

** AKOTW Standings **
1. Undefeated (2-0) - Week 2 +39.78 vs GrNeGgSnHaM, Week 3 +17.64 vs Brown’s Backups
2. Sexual Chocolate (1-1) - Week 5 +47.88 vs Boycott LA
3. GrNeGgSnHaM (1-3) Week 4 +41.58 vs Sexual Chocolate
4. RN to the Rescue (1-0) - Week 6 +26.35 vs GrNeGgSnHaM
5. Mad Max’s Mama (1-0) - Week 1 +24.05 vs GrNeGgSnHaM

Season 2010 Week 05 Recap

BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** Brown's Backups (Josh) DEF Sobchak Security (Rick) by 0.48 points **
Some very late Monday points from Braylon Edwards (WR - NYJ / 4.75) was all it took for Brown's Backups to defeat one of the last remaining undefeated teams despite a strong late Sunday game for Rick from LeSean McCoy (RB - Phi / 23.15). Josh had 4 players in double-digits in an impressive victory against a strong opponent. Next week BB (4-1) will battle another alliteratively blessed squad, Mad Max's Mama (3-2). SS (4-1) will battle Play to Win the Game (4-1) in a battle of the previously undefeated teams.

** G-Unit (Sam) DEF Two Hand Touch (Rex) by 8.61 points **
This one wasn't decided until very late Monday night, when G-Unit finally took control of the game. THT was the beneficiary of a massive game from Josh Scobee (K - Jac / 32.00) and a strong game from the Falcons defense (22.48). But G-Unit had a more well-rounded roster with games like Cedric Benson (RB - Cin / 22.15), Robbie Gould (K - Chi / 19.00) and Vernon Davis (TE - SF / 12.45). Next week THT (1-4) takes on the undefeated Favre Failure Wagon (5-0). G-Unit (2-3) will battle her friend RN to the Rescue (2-3).

** Favre Failure Wagon (Steve) DEF Play to Win the Game (Jeff) by 23.05 points **
It's pretty simple: a team cannot get 4.3 points total from it's three receivers and hope to win the game. Although FFW only had a strong game from Brandon Lloyd (WR - Den / 20.00), his roster was far more consistent than the trainwreck that was Jeff's roster. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Anyway, congratulations to Steve for being the last undefeated team in the league. Next week he hopes to defend his perfect record against Two Hand Touch (1-4) while PTW (4-1) will play Sobchak Security (4-1) - a game that will see one team fall from a stellar 4-0 to a disappointing 4-2. Fun!

** Pack-Men (Brett) DEF The Little Guy (Kyle) by 26.00 points **
Pack Men took a step in the right direction this week with a win over the streaking Little Guy, thanks to huge games from Matt Forte (RB - Chi / 32.90) and Aaron Rodgers (QB - GB / 22.62). Kyle was definitely let down by previously hot Matt Schaub (QB - Hou / 6.05) and Anquan Boldin (WR - Bal / 0.65). Unfortunately for Kyle, he had only two players in double-digits. Next week PM (2-3) takes on Boycott LA (2-3) and TLG (2-3) will play Sexual Chocolate (1-4).

** RN to the Rescue (Megan) DEF Undefeated (Bob) by 26.89 points **
Bob didn't really have a chance this week - Megan's top 5 players averaged 21.42 points apiece and whooped some serious ass. Even a three-TD game from Eli Manning (QB - NYG / 32.69) couldn't bring UD to within striking distance of the girl. Next week RN (2-3) looks to bring her record up to .500 against the resurgent G-Unit (2-3) and UD (3-2) will battle Boss Hogg (0-5).

** Mad Max's Mama (Kerri) DEF Boss Hogg (Jordan) by 30.89 points **
Late roster adjustments by Jordan did him no real good against Kerri, who broke a two-game losing streak behind a good game from the insufferable Philip Rivers (QB - SD / 28.26) and Hakeem Nicks (WR - NYG / 21.50). Boss Hogg had only one player in double-digit scoring: Alex Smith (QB - SF / 29.38). Next week MMM (3-2) will take on top-performing Brown's Backups (4-1) and BH (0-5) will look to get his first win against Undefeated (3-2).

ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** Sexual Chocolate (John) DEF Boycott LA (Matt) by 47.88 points **
John got his first win this week in dramatic fashion. He had five of seven players in double-digit scoring, including Chris Johnson (RB - Ten / 28.35) and the Chicago defense (22.02). Although Matt got some good games from Joe Flacco (QB - Bal / 18.60) and Steven Jackson (RB - StL / 19.05), he couldn't keep up with SC. Note: this marks the first time ever that I've highlighted a St Louis Rams player in the recap since I began it last season. I know this because I didn't have a good way to abbreviate the team. Next week SC (1-4) looks to continue his comeback against The Little Guy (2-3) and BLA (2-3) will lick his wounds in preparation for Pack Men (2-3)

** Superstars of the Week **
1. Ray Rice (RB – Bal – RN to the Rescue) 34.45 pts
2. Matt Forte (RB – Chi – Pack Men) 32.90 pts
3. Eli Manning (QB– NYG – Undefeated) 32.69 pts
4. Tony Romo (QB – Dal – RN to the Rescue) 32.30 pts
5. Shaun Hill (QB – NYJ – Two Hand Touch) 31.19 pts

** AKOTW Standings **
1. Undefeated (2-0) - Week 2 +39.78 vs GrNeGgSnHaM, Week 3 +17.64 vs Brown’s Backups
2. Sexual Chocolate (1-1) - Week 5 +47.88 vs Boycott LA
3. GrNeGgSnHaM (1-2) Week 4 +41.58 vs Sexual Chocolate
4. Mad Max’s Mama (1-0) - Week 1 +24.05 vs GrNeGgSnHaM

Season 2010 Week 04 Recap

Howdy managers - just a reminder that only the top 6 of 14 teams will make the playoffs this year - every game is important and tie-breakers are based on points! Make sure you guys field the best team possible each week and run up the score as much as possible - you don't want to miss the playoffs based on points.

BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** Brown's Backups (Josh) DEF RN to the Rescue (Megan) by 1.42 points **
RN to the Rescue was completely and utterly hosed by the Miami defense (3.54), which undercut performances from Vince Young (QB - Ten / 16.59) and Zach Miller (TE - Oak / 14.85). RN almost took the week, but BB had three players in double-digits. It brings me a great deal of joy to report that Jay Cutler (QB - Chi / -0.80) had an awful week against a very strong New York Giants defense. Next week BB (3-1) will battle undefeated Sobchak Security (4-0) and RN (1-3) will try to get back on track against new neighbor Undefeated (3-1) .

** Play to Win the Game (Jeff) DEF Two Hand Touch (Rex) by 2.04 points **
About 10 years ago, I was at a barbecue in Three Points thrown by Kerri's uncle. Kerri and I had just started dating a couple of weeks before and I wanted to make a good impression. I was sitting on the edge of the pool (in street clothes, mind you) when suddenly, Rex comes up and pushes me in. I knew that maybe it would take a year, maybe 5 years, or maybe 10 - but that I would beat that sonofabitch in Fantasy Football in a pivotal week 4 matchup one day. So take THAT! Next week PTW (4-0) plays Favre Failure Wagon (4-0) in a battle of the undefeated teams. THT (1-3) will go against G-Unit (1-3).

** The Little Guy (Kyle) DEF Undefeated (Bob) by 6.13 points **
Wow, wow, wow! Last week TLG's girlfriend beat the undefeated Mad Max's Mama and this week she gave her good juju to Kyle, who knocked off the undefeated... Undefeated. He got a little help from Matt Schaub (QB - Hou / 23.04) and the Giants defense (24.16) who registered 10 sacks, 2 interceptions, a fumble recovery against the Bears. (They also gave up just three points). Undefeated had some poor luck, however - Mike Vick (QB - Phi / 5.00) got knocked out of his game early and Roddy White (WR - Atl / 6.95) was kept out of the end zone this week. Next week TLG (2-2) will take on the fading Pack-Men (1-3) and UD (3-1) looks to get revenge against probably Miami-less RN to the Rescue (1-3).

** Favre Failure Wagon (Steve) DEF Mad Max's Mama (Kerri) by 7.90 points **
I think that Kerri is starting to panic after her second straight loss. This one was a close one against a powerful team, though, so there shouldn't be too much hand-wringing in the Gardner West household. FFW was bolstered by Peyton Manning (QB - Ind / 28.76) and Ahmad Bradshaw (RB - NYG / 23.15), while MMM had another great game from Dustin Keller (TE - NYJ / 14.40). Next week FFW (4-0) looks to continue his perfect streak against Play to Win the Game (4-0) and MMM (2-2) will take on the apparently free-falling Boss Hogg (0-4).

** Sobchak Security (Rick) DEF Pack Men (Brett) by 9.53 points **
I'd bet that Rick is pretty unhappy that the moment he benches Terrell Owens (WR - Cin / 19.60), the guy has a huge game. It didn't make much of a difference, though - another disappointing week by Mike Sims-Walker (WR - Jac / 0.00) helped to send Pack-Men to his third loss. I've got to hand it to Brett for his loyalty, though - he is hoping against hope that Walker will have a huge game after averaging less than 3.5 points per game. Next week SS (4-0) takes on Browns Backups (2-2) and PM (1-3) will go against The Little Guy (2-2)

** Boycott LA (Matt) DEF Boss Hogg (Jordan) by 34.01 points **
Jordan needed Tom Brady (QB - NE / 17.92) to get like 40 points in his Monday night matchup agains the Dolphins. Needless to say, that didn't happen. With the exception of Arian Foster (RB - Hou / 30.10), BH had a pretty rough week. Boycott LA had a dramatically different week: Antonio Gates (TE - SD / 20.95) put on a clinic against the newly crappy Cardinals and Kyle Orton (QB - Den / 30.54) put up over 350 all-purpose yards against the Titans. Next week BLA (2-2) will battle the unlucky Sexual Chocolate (0-4) and BH (0-4) will look to upset Mad Max's Mama (2-2).

ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** G-Unit (Sam) DEF Sexual Chocolate (John) by 41.58 points **
The ass-kicked becomes the ass-kickers! Don't let the disappointing day by the 'bye'-ridden SC diminish the quality of Sam's team, who would have beaten 9 of the 13 other teams in the league this week - I saw this coming last week when she barely came up short against arguably the league's best team*. John's squad was a train wreck, though - Chris Johnson (RB - Ten / 11.45) was the team's highest scorer. Sam's team was anchored by David Garrard (QB - Jac / 31.61), who had an unusually high-scoring Sunday. Next week G-Unit (1-3) looks to continue her resurgence against a worthy-but-cocky Two Hand Touch (1-3) and SC (0-4) looks to put the brakes on this skid against Boycott LA (2-2)

* = I may be biased.

** Superstars of the Week **
1. David Garrard (QB – Jac – G-Unit) 31.61 pts
2. Maurice Jones-Drew (RB – Jac – Boss Hogg / DNS) 31.55 pts
3. Kyle Orton (QB– Den – Boycott LA) 30.54 pts
4. Arian Foster (RB – Hou – Boss Hogg) 30.10 pts
5. LaDanian Tomlinson (RB – NYJ – Two Hand Touch) 30.00 pts

** AKOTW Standings **
1. Undefeated (2-0) - Week 2 +39.78 vs GrNeGgSnHaM, Week 3 +17.64 vs Brown’s Backups
2. GrNeGgSnHaM (1-2) Week 3 +41.58 vs Sexual Chocolate
3. Mad Max’s Mama (1-0) - Week 1 +24.05 vs GrNeGgSnHaM

Season 2010 Week 03 Recap

BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** Pack Men (Brett) DEF Sexual Chocolate (John) by 0.30 points **
This game was so close that a statistical correction could alter the outcome, so take note. Anyway, I think we’d all agree that without Chris Johnson (RB – Ten / 34.25), Sexual Chocolate would be in a world of trouble. Most of his team was unusually quiet this week, with Johnson earning over 40% of the points for the 7-man roster. Though Mike Sims-Walker (WR – Jac / 2.20) just plain sucked and Larry Fitzgerald (WR – Ari / 7.80) only had 2 receptions, PM squeaked by with the win thanks to a wild Monday Night shootout. Next week SC (0-3) looks to get to .500 against G-Unit (0-3) and PM (1-2) looks to upset the favored Sobchak (3-0).

** Play to Win the Game (Jeff) DEF G-Unit (Sam) by 6.04 points **
Winless Sam showed some real signs of life this week, nearly toppling the undefeated PTW thanks to huge games from Cedric Benson (RB – Cin / 30.50) and Brandon Marshall (WR – Mia / 17.95). If not for some weak sauce from Vernon Davis (TE – SF / 1.85) and the San Fran Defense (2.30), she might have pulled off the upset. Her receivers certainly out-played PTW’s Wes Welker (WR – NE / 3.25) and Dez Bryant (WR – Dal / 3.74), anyway. This is a huge step in the right direction for Sam, and I think she’s going to start climbing the standings. Next week PTW (3-0) plays Two Hand Touch (1-2) and G-Unit (0-3) plays Sexual Chocolate (0-3).

** Sobchak Security (Rick) DEF Two-Hand-Touch (Rex) by 11.77 points **
Rick had a handle on this one from the get-go, with 4 of 7 players in double digits. Sebastian Janikowski (K – Oak / 13.00) had a good fantasy week despite a nightmare of a professional one. Darren McFadden (RB – Oak / 25.10) also had a nice one. Rex was plagued by inactivity this week with the exception of Matt Ryan (QB – Atl / 27.56) and the Steelers Defense (21.84) Next week SS (3-0) plays Pack-Men (1-2) and THT (1-2) plays Play to Win (3-0).

** Favre Failure Wagon (Steve) DEF Boycott LA (Matt) by 12.36 points **
This one was over on Sunday night, but that didn’t stop FFW from piling on already strong games from Peyton Manning (QB – Ind / 34.99) and Ahmad Bradshaw (RB – NYG / 18.65) with Greg Jennings (WR – GB / 7.40). Matt was bolstered by Kyle Orton (QB – Den / 28.40) and Antonio Gates (TE – SD / 13.20) but couldn’t get enough points to get the job done. Next week FFW (3-0) looks to stay undefeated against a vengeful Mad Max’s Mama (2-1) and Boycott LA (1-2) will try not to suck against Boss Hogg (0-3).

** RN to the Rescue (Megan) DEF Mad Max’s Mama (Kerri) by 12.41 points **
In what is surely the upset of the week, winless RN took on her undefeated juggernaut sister and won with a well-rounded roster. 5 of RN’s starters scored in the double-digits, compared to just 3 of MMM’s. Even Percy Harvin (WR – Min / 13.07) had his first big game for RN. Further complicating matters for Kerri was a quiet week from Visanthe Shiancoe (TE – Min / 0.60) and Jahvid Best (RB – Det / 5.95). Next week RN (1-2) plays Brown’s Backups (2-1) and MMM (2-1) will have a test against Favre Failure Wagon (3-0).

** The Little Guy (Kyle) DEF Boss Hogg (Jordan) by 12.71 points **
With a triple-digit, season-saving performance, TLG drastically improved his league standing. He finally got breakout games from Adrian Peterson (RB – Min / 34.25) and Anquan Boldin (WR – Bal / 27.18) to help offset some weaker performances on the roster. Boss Hogg has nothing to be ashamed of, however – with a strong game from Tom Brady (QB – NE / 32.75), he scored in the top levels of the week. Next week TLG (1-2) plays Undefeated (3-0) and BH (0-3) looks to turn it around against Boycott LA (1-2).

ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** Undefeated (Bob) DEF Brown’s Backups (Josh) by 17.64 points **
A battle of the undefeated teams came down to Monday night, when UD held off BB thanks to a phenomenal game from Mike Vick (QB – Phi / 40.06). BB was doomed byweakness from Miles Austin (WR – Dal / 1.50) and Robert Meachem (WR – SF / 0.50). Jay Cutler (QB – Chi / 17.66) and Mason Crosby (K – GB / 5.00) were not enough to help BB. Next week UD (3-0) plays a resurgent Little Guy (1-2) and BB (2-1) plays the surprising RN to the Rescue (1-2).

** Superstars of the Week **
1. Michael Vick (QB – Phi – Undefeated) 40.06 pts
2. Peyton Manning (QB – Ind – Favre Failure Wagon) 34.99 pts
3a. Chris Johnson (RB– Ten – Sexual Chocolate) 34.25 pts
3b. Adrian Petersen (RB – Min – The Little Guy) 34.25 pts
5. Joe Flacco (QB – Bal – Boycott LA / DNS) 32.79 pts

** AKOTW Standings **
1. Undefeated (2-0) - Week 2 +39.78 vs GrNeGgSnHaM, Week 3 +17.64 vs Brown’s Backups
2. Mad Max’s Mama (1-0) - Week 1 +24.05 vs GrNeGgSnHaM

Season 2010 Week 02 Recap

BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** Favre Failure Wagon (Steve) DEF RN to the Rescue (Megan) by 6.36 points **
It’s becoming pretty clear that RN’s Percy Harvin (WR – Min / 3.73) is not going to be the fantasy juggernaut that he was last year. It’s not RN’s fault that Brett Favre is struggling so much, but it is what it is. The Dolphins (23.74) tried to keep her in it, but the surgical Peyton Manning (QB – Ind / 31.64) provided all that FFW needed to take the week. Next week FFW (2-0) plays Boycott LA (1-1) and RN plays her sister, MMM (2-0).

** Two-Hand Touch (Rex) DEF Pack-Men (Brett) by 11.04 points **
Two-Hand Touch was the only team that reversed a week 1 loss into a week 2 win this week, thanks to Matt Ryan (QB – Atl / 30.98) and the Steelers Defense (32.96). Pack-Men had a good showing as well, with Aaron Rodgers (QB – GB / 33.54) and even Neil Rackers (K – Hou / 19.00) showing up. Like Kyle, Brett would have beaten most other teams this week but he had the misfortune of playing THT. Next week THT (1-1) plays Sobchak Security (2-0) and Pack-Men (0-2) looks to stop the skid against Sexual Chocolate (0-2)

** Sobchak Security (Rick) DEF Boycott LA (Matt) by 15.62 points **
Boycott LA got their re-naming privileges revoked this week because they used forbidden words on the league message board. Evidently Hines Ward (WR – Pit / 0.70) and Stephen Gostkowski (K – NE / 0.00) were offended as well, because they negated the game from Antonio Gates (TE – SD / 16.10). Sobchak and his band of anarcho-syndicalists had pretty even showings from most of his roster. Next week SS (2-0) will play Two-Hand Touch (1-1) and BLA (1-1) will go against Favre Failure Wagon (2-0)

** Brown’s Backups (Josh) DEF Sexual Chocolate (John) by 22.51 points **
The loathsome Jay Cutler (QB – Chi / 33.81) had an interception-free game for BB to help lead them over SC, who was hampered by uncharacteristically bad games from Chris Johnson (RB – Ten / 9.90). Not helping matters was Matt Hasselbeck (QB – Sea / 20.21), who had the audacity to throw in Champ Bailey’s direction. HERESY! Next week BB (2-0) takes on Undefeated (2-0) and SC (0-2) plays a winless-but-surging Pack-Men (0-2).

** Mad Max’s Mama (Kerri) DEF The Little Guy (Kyle) by 27.56 points **
For the second consecutive week, Kerri’s team laid the hammer down on their opponent. Leading the way was newcomer Jahvid Best (RB – Det / 40.35), who bolstered a pretty consistent offense. In a similar fashion to last season, Kyle had a big week against the worst possible opponent – with huge games from Matt Schaub (QB – 40.30 / 40.30) and Adrian Peterson (RB – Min / 30.55), he would have won against nearly anybody else. But ultimately Kyle’s team fell short where Kerri’ s succeeded. Next week MMM (2-0) takes on her dear sister RN to the Rescue (0-2) and TLG (0-2) will battle Boss Hogg (0-2)

** Play to Win the Game (Jeff) DEF Boss Hogg (Jordan) by 30.26 points **
It’s pretty clear that although his skill is unquestionable, BH’s Tom Brady (QB – NE / 18.09) is not the same Quarterback he was before his knee injury. Two picks and a lost fumble helped to doom BH this week against a generally unremarkable PTW. Steve Breaston (WR – Ari / 1.25) didn’t help matters during the Cardinals’ beatdown from the Dirty Birds. PTW did get a superb game from Jeff Reed (K – Pit / 19.00), who is a big asset considering Pittsburgh can’t finish a drive. Next week PTW (2-0) plays G-Unit (0-2) and BH (0-2) looks to reverse fortunes against perennial early-season punching bag The Little Guy (0-2)

ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** Undefeated (Bob) DEF G… Unit (Sam) by 39.78 points **
Unknown is what UD plans to do next week with Michael Vick (QB – Phi / 30.71) on the sideline. Also unknown is why he’s got Tim Tebow (QB – Den / 0.00) on his bench. Is there something he knows about Kyle Orton’s health that we don’t? Only time will tell. ALSO UNKOWN: why Sam wants me to go crazy trying to type her team’s name each week. GEH was hampered by minicamp no-show Brett Favre (QB – Min / 3.93) and Brandon Marshall (WR – Mia / 4.55) who had at least one great catch that I saw, but no TDs. Next week UD (2-0) plays Brown’s Backups (2-0) and GEH (0-2) plays Play to Win the Game (2-0).

** Superstars of the Week **
1. Jahvid Best (RB – Det – Mad Max’s Mama) 40.35 pts
2. Matt Schaub (QB – Hou – The Little Guy) 40.30 pts
3. Jay Cutler (QB – Chi – Brown’s Backups) 33.81 pts
4. Aaron Rodgers (QB – GB – Pack-Men) 33.54 pts
5. LeSean McCoy (RB – Phi – Sobchak Security / DNS) 33.40 pts

** AKOTW Standings **
1. Undefeated (1-0) - Week 2 +39.78 vs GrNeGgSnHaM
1. Mad Max’s Mama (1-0) - Week 1 +24.05 vs GrNeGgSnHaM

Season 2010 Week 01 Recap

Welcome to the 10th season of The League! For the new guys, here’s how the recap works. The games are ordered from the smallest margin of victory (Barn Burner of the Week) to the largest (Ass-Kicking of the Week). AKOTW standings (for both the winners and the losers) are also kept season-long. Top scorers for the week will be highlighted, with a “DNS” designation if they were not on the active roster. On to the recap…

BARN-BURNER (sort of) OF THE WEEK:
** Boycott LA (Matt) DEF The Little Guy (Kyle) by 2.04 points **
Yawn. Both teams combined for a total of 2 touchdowns. One from TLG’s Matt Schaub (QB – Hou / 10.66) and one from BL’s Antonio Gates (TE – SD / 11.05). Good God, I’m getting tired just typing this. Sorry guys, but your teams were pretty boring this week – not your fault! Next week BL plays Sobchak Security and TLG plays Mad Max’s Mama.

** Sobchak Security (Rick) DEF RN to the Rescue (Megan) by 3.38 points **
This one was a battle to the end, and RN was ultimately doomed by a lack of touchdowns. Only Tony Romo (QB – Dal / 21.81) scored a TD for RN this week, and Percy Harvin (WR – Min / 2.27) was obviously hobbled by the new scoring structure. It seems that SS’s Chad Ochocinco (WR – Cin / 16.95) was a difference-maker in this one, with a 12-catch, 159-yard afternoon and a touchdown cherry on top. Also not hurting matters was the 3-sack, 2-pick game from Philadelphia’s defense (9.14). Next week SS will battle the poorly-named Boycott LA and RN will try to ramp up production when they take on Favre Failure Wagon.

** Undefeated (Bob) DEF Pack-Men (Brett) by 3.81 points **
Though UD’s Mike Sims-Walker (WR – Jac / 0.00) was essentially a no-show against the Broncos, PM’s Michael Crabtree (WR – SF / 1.10) might as well have been, so this was pretty much a wash. There was a lot of sadness, like UD’s Garrett Hartley (K – NO / -1.00) and PM’s Greg Olsen (TE – Chi / 0.85). Ultimately UD pulled ahead of the whippersnapper from Tucson by a couple of points. Next week UD will try to avoid the wrath of PM’s wife when he plays her Green Eggs team. PM will play Two-Hand Touch.

** Favre Failure Wagon (Steve) DEF Boss Hogg (Jordan) by 12.15 points **
Wow – both QB’s came to play in this one. FFW’s Peyton Manning (QB – Ind / 40.37) and BH’s Tom Brady (QB – NE / 31.62) put up stellar numbers, but Manning makes up a bigger piece of the offensive pie for his team and therefore was a bigger producer. Had Boss Hogg played the previously unknown Arian Foster (RB – Hou / 46.65) he would have won, but I’m not sure anybody would have started Foster over Maurice Jones-Drew (RB – Jac / 17.90), especially against the Broncos shitty defense. Next Week BH plays Play to Win the Game (may all of Brady’s passes go to Welker) and FFW plays RN to the Rescue.

** Brown’s Backups (Josh) DEF Two-Hand Touch (Rex) by 18.23 points **
Poutyface Jay Cutler (QB – Chi / 27.98) helped make the difference for Brown’s Backups on this one, as THT’s Matt Ryan (QB – Atl / 13.15) had a decent game but was held without a touchdown this week. As a matter of fact, only one player on THT’s squad scored a TD this week: Reggie Wayne (WR – Ind / 12.70). Of note was that both kickers had great games: BB’s Mason Crosby (K – GB / 16.00) and THT’s David Akers (K – Phi / 12.00). Next week BB’s looks to continue his success against Sexual Chocolate while THT will battle the Pack-Men.

** Play to Win the Game (Jeff) DEF Sexual Chocolate (John) by 22.19 points **
John (SC) was hampered in this one by pretty much every guy on his team. With the exception of Steve Smith (WR – Car / 11.00) and the Blue Jesus Chris Johnson (RB – Ten / 34.00), his players underperformed. Things were a little rosier on the other side of the matchup – PTW got favorable performances from Drew Brees (QB – NO / 21.22) and Wes Welker (WR – NE / 17.20), who was evidently forgotten about. Next week SC plays Brown’s Backups and PTW plays Boss Hogg.

ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** Mad Max’s Mama (Kerri) DEF Green Eggs (Sam) by 24.05 points **
This affair was over with pretty early Monday night. The only notable performance was MMM’s Hakeem Nicks (WR – NYG / 22.75). Aside from that, the performances were all pretty disappointing – until you get to the bench players, that is. GE would have benefited from the services of David Garrard (QB – Jac / 30.86) as much as MMM would have from Carson Palmer (QB – Cin / 30.81). Both teams could have used their bench RB’s, as well. Next week MMM plays The Little Guy and GE plays the so-far-accurately-named Undefeated.

** Superstars of the Week **
1. Arian Foster (RB – Hou – Boss Hogg / DNS) 46.65 pts
2. Peyton Manning (QB – Ind – Favre Failure Wagon) 40.37 pts
3. Chris Johnson (RB – Ten – Sexual Chocolate) 34.00 pts
4. Tom Brady (QB – NE – Boss Hogg) 31.62 pts
5. David Garrard (QB – Jac – GrNeGgSnHaM / DNS) 30.86 pts

** AKOTW Standings **
1. Mad Max’s Mama (1-0) - Week 1 vs GrNeGgSnHaM