Welcome back to the Unnatural Positions League! It was an interesting off-season to say the least. The biggest news being the possible halt of the season over labor disputes, followed by a very short training season and free agent drafting insanity. Whose team will remain supreme? Who will take the 2011 championship trophy and the accolades of the entire eastside Goodyear team? Only time will tell!
BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** Pack-Men DEF GrNeGgSnHaM by 7.46 points **
Pack-Men defeated GrNeGgSnHaM, despite strong competition from GgNeGgSnHaM, with Michael Vick (QB – Phi / 25.04) and Beanie Wells (RB – Ari / 21.10). GrNeGgSnHaM was no slouch with Kenny Britt (WR – Ten / 21.55) and Ray Rice (RB – Bal / 29.95) keeping it a close game. Next week Pack-Men (1-0) will play browns backups (1-0) and GrNeGgSnHaM will play RN to the Rescue (1-0).
** RN to the Rescue DEF The Little Guy by 8.78 points **
RN to the Rescue defeated The Little Guy with a nice performance from Drew Brees (QB – NO / 30.23) even though she was hit with a poor showing by Adam Vinatieri (K – Ind / -1.00). Perhaps the inactive Justin Tuck (DE – NYG / 0.00) proved to be The Little Guy’s downfall this week. Next week RN (1-0) will play GrNeGgSnHaM (0-1) and The Little Guy (0-1) will play Ron Paul 4 Lyfe (1-0).
** Ron Paul 4 Lyfe DEF Sex Panther by 20.34 points **
Ron Paul 4 Lyfe defeated Sex Panther on the back of a surprising showing from Ryan Fitzpatrick’s strongest career game (QB – Buf / 31.51) while Sex Panther had a strong points leader in Sebastian Janikowski (K – Oak / 18.00) with a NFL record tying field goal of 63-yards. Next week Ron Paul 4 Lyfe (1-0) will play The Little Guy (0-1) and Sex Panther (0-1) will play Wildcats Rule (0-1).
** two hand touch DEF Wildcats Rule by 22.02 points **
two hand touch defeated Wildcats Rule with a consistent roster of top earners Matt Forte (RB – Chi / 23.15) and New York (Def – NYJ / 24.82) while Wildcats Rule’s Tom Brady (QB – NE / 36.19) had a record breaking game that was unable to offset the rather lackluster earnings from the rest of his roster. Next week two hand touch (1-0) will play Sobchak Security (1-0) and Wildcats Rule (0-1) will play Sex Panther (0-1).
** browns backups DEF Boss Hogg by 37.23 points **
browns backups certainly relied on their defensive slots, Baltimore (Def – Bal / 22.74) and Terrell Suggs (LB – Bal / 26.50) to overcome an anemic performance by Boss Hogg’s offense with only David Akers (K – SF / 19.00) and Jamaal Charles (RB – KC / 15.00) breaking the 15 point barrier. Next week browns backups (1-0) plays Pack-Men (1-0) and Boss Hogg (0-1) plays Mad Max Mama (0-1).
** Guns of the Navarone DEF Mad Max’s Mama by 41.75 points **
GotN came out of the season opener as the team to beat with an astonishing 174.32 points, far more than any other team in the league. Helping him were players San Francisco (Def – SF / 33.36), LeSean McCoy (RB - Phi / 26.85), and Maurice Jones-Drew (RB- Jac / 22.85). MMM had a yawn-inspiring performance from Ben Roethlisberger (QB – Pit / 7.75) but a nice showing from Wes Welker (WR – NE / 22.00). Next week Guns of the Navarone (1-0) plays PorNada (0-1) and Mad Max’s Mama (0-1) plays Boss Hogg (0-1).
ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** Sobchak Security DEF PorNada by 56.02 points **
In another strong, defensive win Sobchak Security destroyed the competition with top-notch games by Chicago (Def – Chi / 27.34) and Antoine Winfield (CB – Min / 22.62) while PorNada, despite strong games by Aaron Rodgers (QB – GB / 28.99) and Brian Urlacher (LB – Chi / 25.44) fell flat with goose-eggs from Laurence Tynes (K – NYG / 0.00), Bradie James (LB – Dal / 0.00), and Pittsburgh (Def – Pit / -0.80). Next week Sobchak Security (1-0) plays two hand touch (1-0) and PorNada (0-1) plays Guns of the Navarone (1-0).
RON PAUL’S GOLD STANDARD MVP OF THE WEEK:
This week’s RPGSMVPOTW goes to none other than Tom Brady (QB – NE / 36.10) with a monster passing game of 517 yards including 4 TDs. Harnessing the power of Satan, ala Bill Belichick, Brady was able to suck the life essence out of Miami’s secondary, feeding gluttonously on blown coverage routes. News sources quoted Brady after the game saying “I have salted the earth with the tears of Sapp”.
