All good things must come to an end, as such with the final game of the regular season. This has been a great year for new players with only 3 owners entering the playoffs with 2010 playoff credentials. For all of those that are looking at the end of their season this week take heart, I and the rest of the league hope you had a fun time this season and come back to fight and take the trophy next year!
BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** two hand touch DEF Guns of the Navarone by 2.81 points **
Guns of the Navarone had no chance against two hand touch’s Matt Ryan’s (QB – Atl / 34.10) mighty arm. In a fight that would land two hand touch the #7 seed his quarterback as well as San Diego (DEF – SD / 23.12) would let him eek out a win against #2 seed Guns of the Navarone. GotN would try to play the spoiler with a great game from running-back king Maurice Jones-Drew (RB – Jac / 45.80) while Eli Manning (QB – NYG / 21.60) would grant decent numbers. Both of these teams will be in a re-match next week with two hand touch (7-7) taking on Guns of the Navarone (9-5).
** Ron Paul 4 Lyfe DEF Sobchak Security by 5.13 points **
Two teams would enter the Thunderdome and only one would emerge. In a battle for a playoff spot Ron Paul 4 Lyfe would look towards his defensive players for a win. With high scorers Green Bay (Def – GB / 21.86) and D’Qwell Jackson (LB – Cle / 19.54) leading the way RP4L would take the #5 seed. Sobchak Security would put up great numbers from Shonn Greene (RB – NYJ / 28.10) and Chicago (Def – Chi / 19.22) but would fall short. It was to be noted that both teams had 0.00 Tight End games, weird! Next week Ron Paul 4 Lyfe (7-7) will play The Little Guy (8-5) while Sobchak Security (6-8) has been eliminated from the playoffs.
** Boss Hogg DEF RN to the Rescue by 5.76 points **
Was every playoff locked team sleeping on their laurels or what? Boss Hogg managed to nab the final playoff spot and a #8 seed with Derrick Johnson (LB – KC / 18.50) and Thomas Howard (LB – Cin / 16.50) picking up the slack for the otherwise lukewarm offensive performance. RN to the Rescue despite having Marshawn Lynch (RB – Sea / 24.15) beast mode on the Rams felt the bitter sting of defeat thanks to Mark Ingram’s (RB – NO / 0.00) non-productive game. Next week Boss Hogg (7-7) will play browns backups (10-4) while RN to the Rescue (9-5) will play PorNada (7-7).
** The Little Guy DEF Sex Panther by 10.69 points **
Sadly for Sex Panther, Matt Moore (QB – Mia / 5.55) would become a gibbering toddler after having his brain scrambled against the Eagles this weekend. Despite a great game from LeSean McCoy (RB – Phi / 29.80) Sex Panther would be left to huff his disgusting bits of panther while The Little Guy would lock up the #4 seed for the season. The Little Guy would benefit from Detroit (DEF – Det / 33.94) destroying their division rival the Vikings. Next week The Little Guy (8-6) will play Ron Paul 4 Lyfe (7-7) while Sex Panther (6-8) has been eliminated from the playoffs.
** PorNada DEF Pack-Men by 11.23 points **
Despite Aaron Rodgers (QB –GB / 17.32) having his poorest QBR of the season PorNada would send Pack-Men to a season end while taking the #6 seed. Pack-Men would cheer as Mason Crosby (K – GB / 23.00) had one of his strongest games but unfortunately Jerry Jones would call down to his defensive coach and demand that Dallas (Dal – DEF / -1.30) shit the bed in an epic fashion against the Giants. Next week PorNada (7-7) will play RN to the Rescue (9-5) while Pack-Men (6-8) has been eliminated from the playoffs.
** GrNeGgSnHaM DEF browns backups by 18.55 points **
Even with GrNeGgSnHaM’s past *cough losing* record it would not deter from a exceptional win against the current #1 seed. Bringing the heat for GrNeGgSnHaM was none other than Tony Romo (QB – Dal / 32.52) and Ray Rice (RB – Bal / 25.95) who would bury the competition. browns backups was a bit on the deflated side with Greg Jennings (WR – GB / 1.50) failing to put the team on his back while Carson Palmer (QB – Oak / 8.40) showing he was worthy of a 1st and 2nd round pick this year. Despite the great game GrNeGgSnHaM (4-10) has seen the end of the year while browns backups (10-4) will play Boss Hogg (7-7).
ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** Wildcats Rule DEF Mad Max’s Mama by 40.38 points **
Playing the spoiler Wildcats Rule was quoted as saying “If I can’t be in the playoffs well SCREWWWWW YOUUUUUU” and proved his point by dragging Mad Max’s Mama out of playoff contention. Wildcats Rule had an awesome showing from his defensive staff with 3 players hitting and surpassing the 20 point mark- Stephen Tulloch (LB – Det / 20.00), D.J. Williams (LB – Den / 21.50), and James Anderson (LB – Car / 24.00). Mad Max's Mama fought valiantly but fell short despite Ben Roethlisberger (QB – Pit / 17.20) and Philadelphia (DEF – Phi / 23.58) having great games. Next week neither team will play in the playoffs as they decided on a Rocky III style finish, knocking each other out at the end.
RON PAUL’S Stone Cold Lock of the Century of the Week:
I don’t know much about politics but I do know that RN to the Rescue is going to DOMINATE and CRUSH her opponent, PorNada. And hell! What’s the deal with that name PorNada! Is it a soup? Some sort of MEXICAN for “help me across the fence!”? RN is going to CRUSH PorNada with none other than Drew Brees throwing 5 TDs, 510 passing yards, and at least 4 souls saved before the 2 minute warning. This has been your Ron Paul Stone Cold Lock of the Century….OF THE WEEK!!!
On a serious note I hope everyone enjoyed the season and comes back again for next year’s action! Also from here on out I will only be covering playoff matches so I hope you enjoyed or at least tolerated my insane, semi-racist recaps and remember to vote Ron Paul 2012…..for an insane, lovecraftian future.
