In a very religious week in the NFL good and evil both made headlines. Al Davis’s final phylactery was found and destroyed, sending him back into the abyss while Tim Tebow descended from the heavens Sunday to lead the Broncos back to the glory days. After 5 weeks Guns of the Navarone (4-1) leads the American League while browns backups (5-0) continues to dominate in the National League, but with 9 matchups remaining the playoff landscape could change dramatically.
BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** The Little Guy DEF PorNada by 3.48 points **
The Little Guy’s Cam Newton (QB – Car / 26.93) proved to be the man in this matchup with Pierre Garcon (WR – Ind / 19.50) providing a surprising backup given the Colts questionable quarterback play. PorNada continues to search for that elusive win even with good games from Aaron Rodgers (QB – GB / 22.97) and John Kasay (K – NO / 18.00). PorNada’s anemic Kansas City (Def – KC / 0.78) could share most of the blame. Next week The Little Guy (4-1) will play Boss Hogg (2-3) while PorNada (1-4) will play GrNeGgSnHaM (1-4).
** two hand touch DEF GrNeGgSnHaM by 5.91 points **
A running back extravaganza! With all 4 RBs in play bringing in a collective 69.05 points it was a ground pounding day. two hand touch’s Matt Forte (RB – Chi / 19.55) and Arian Foster (RB – Hou / 21.45) led him to victory. GrNeGgSnHaM’s San Francisco Express consisting of Alex Smith (QB – SF / 22.50) and Frank Gore (RB – SF / 23.15) could not stop the team from unfortunately derailing. Next week two hand touch (3-2) will play RN to the Rescue (2-3) while GrNeGgSnHaM (1-4) will play PorNada (1-4)
** Sex Panther DEF Mad Max’s Mama by 13.24 points **
It was a strong matchup between two defensively solid teams, but would be won on the leg of a kicker. Sex Panther had a combined 75.14 points from his defensive squad but it would be points leader, Sebastian Janikowski (K – Oak / 28.00), who would seal the deal. Mad Max’s Mama also featured a combined 54.60 defensive points but unfortunately Ben Roethlisberger (QB – Pit / 34.96) and Ahmad Bradshaw (RB – NYG / 18.25) would be the only productive offensive players on her team. Next week Sex Panther (2-3) will play Pack-Men (3-2) while Mad Max’s Mama (2-3) will play Ron Paul 4 Lyfe (3-2).
** Guns of the Navarone DEF Sobchak Security by 21.51 points **
In a game of strong point earners consistency would win the day. Guns of the Navarone had 10 out of 12 players producing double digit scores with only Vincent Jackson (WR – SD / 2.45) being the anomaly. Among GotN’s top points earners was San Francisco (Def – SF / 25.46) and Eli Manning (QB – NYG / 22.55). Sobchak Security had another freakish game from Adrian Peterson (RB – Min / 38.60) while Shonn Greene (RB – NYJ / 21.60) helped to round out an otherwise decent showing from his other players. Next week Guns of the Navarone (4-1) will play Wildcats Rule (1-4) while Sobchak Security (2-3) will play browns backups (5-0).
** Boss Hogg DEF Wildcats Rule by 24.52 points **
While Boss Hogg’s Jay Cutler (Qb – Chi / 14.93) wasn’t busy getting a concussion every passing down he was outscoring a surprisingly meh Wildcats Rule’s Tom Brady (QB – NE / 13.47). Boss Hogg’s Dwane Bowe (WR – KC / 20.15) came out with a productive day while Indianapolis (Def – Ind / 1.40) came in lame. Wildcats Rule had 66% of his players come in with single digit scores with only Chris Johnson (WR – Ten / 17.00) showing some life. Next week Boss Hogg (2-3) will play The Little Guy (4-1) while Wildcats Rule (1-4) will play Guns of the Navarone (4-1).
** browns backups DEF RN to the Rescue by 30.63 points **
browns backups continues his dominating streak with another notch in the victory belt, will no one stop him!? browns backups’ Jahvid Best (RB – Det / 21.60) and Matt Schaub (QB – Hou / 19.22) led an otherwise strong team. RN to the Rescue fell to a similar fate to that of Wildcats Rule, 66% of her team also came in with single digit scores. Among her top point earners were Drew Brees (QB – NO / 20.38) and Marshawn Lynch (RB – Sea / 19.05). Next week browns backups (5-0) will see if he can continue his undefeated streak against Sobchak Security (2-3) while RN to the Rescue (2-3) will play two hand touch (3-2).
ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** Pack-Men DEF Ron Paul 4 Lyfe by 46.06 points **
Hot steaming garbage. That is the only way to sum up RP4L’s abysmal WR performance. With Percy Harvin (WR – Min / 1.90) and Larry Fitzgerald (WR – Ari / 4.30) trying to out gimp each other on Sunday RP4L did not stand a chance. Pack-Men on the other hand had a great performance out of Beanie Wells (RB – Ari / 20.50) and Mason Crosby (K – GB / 23.00) but may want to reconsider his historically bad TE player, Dallas Clark (TE – Ind / 0.60). Next week Pack-Men (3-2) will play Sex Panther (2-3) while Ron Paul 4 Lyfe (3-2) will play Mad Max’s Mama (2-3).
RON PAUL’S GOLD STANDARD MVP OF THE WEEK:
This week’s RPGSMVPOTW goes to Adrian Peterson...wait...sorry Peterson, you can’t win twice! Instead you force me to pick Ben Roethlisberger (QB – Pit / 34.96) who has a fine penchant for the ladies and also looks like Will Ferrel’s long lost brother. Ben has what is known as inverse-injury disorder, the more crippled he is at the start of the game the better he gets. If you theoretically broke every bone in his body his ESPN QBR rating would exceed 400! And for that we salute you Ben Roethlisberger, a gentleman and a saint.
See I didn’t even make a Ben Rapelisberger joke...oh.
