Week 4 has come and gone and only one undefeated team remains, browns backups (4-0). Now i’m not one to paint a target on someone but IT IS YOUR SOLEMN DUTY TO DEFEAT THIS MENACE AND BRING HIM DOWN TO OUR LEVEL….ahem. Otherwise it was a pretty competitive week with all but one matchup being decided by less than 20 points. As we enter the Fall season who’s team will surge ahead and take the coveted Unnatural crown!
As a courteous reminder- NFL teams will be starting the bye this weekend so make sure you don’t have players that are going to be at home eating Doritos vs being productive for your team…unless you’re going again Ron Paul 4 Lyfe, in that case grab as many bye people as possible!
BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** RN to the Rescue DEF Mad Max’s Mama by 3.85 points **
In a close game RN to the Rescue showed that she was not the perennial AKOTW recipient her prior two weeks had foretold. With strong games from her kicker Matt Bryant (K – Atl / 22.00) and Yeremiah Bell (S – Mia / 21.00) RN managed to offset a strong defensive game from Mad Max’s Mama’s David Harris (LB – NYJ / 21.40). Next week RN to the Rescue (2-2) will play browns backups (4-0) while Mad Max’s Mama (2-2) will take on Sex Panther (1-3).
** browns backups DEF Guns of the Navarone by 9.01 points **
In a battle of undefeated titans it would come down to a freakish RB/DEF showing on browns backups’ part to place the dagger in GotN’s heart. With an unprecedented 39.30 points browns backups’ Baltimore (DEF – Bal / 39.30) alongside Michael Turner (RB – Atl / 29.90) would have been hard to overcome by anyone. GotN had a good game from Eli Manning (QB – NYG / 20.47) but was left stumbling from mediocre offers with the rest of his team. Next week browns backups (4-0) will play RN to the Rescue (2-2) while Guns of the Navarone (3-1) will play Sobchak Security (2-2).
** Ron Paul 4 Lyfe DEF GrNeGgSnHaM by 9.04 points **
In a battle of the cripples RP4L barely overcame GrNeGgSnHaM with mediocre performances from Green Bay (Def – GB / 18.32) and Ryan Matthews (RB – SD / 16.70). GrNeGgSnHaM had 3 players that overcame the 20 point barrier- Tony Romo (QB – Dal / 22.02), Ray Rice (RB – Bal / 25.50), and Frank Gore (RB – SF / 20.95) while every other member on his team drew less than 10 points each. Next week Ron Paul 4 Lyfe (3-1) will play Pack-Men (2-2) while GrNeGgSnHaM (1-3) will play two hand touch (2-2).
** Pack-Men DEF Wildcats Rule by 12.02 points **
Sweet mother of god! Is this the week of murderous duos? Pack-Men defeated Wildcats Rule based on the 1-2 punch of Beanie Wells (RB – Ari / 38.40) and Michael Vick (QB – Phi / 29.07) while the rest of his team filled in the gaps. Wildcats Rule had fairly strong games from most of his team, Paul Posluszny (LB – Jac / 20.50) and Steven Jackson (RB – StL / 18.70), but didn’t have that special blow out player this week. Next week Pack-Men (2-2) will play Ron Paul 4 Lyfe (3-1) while Wildcats Rule (1-3) will play Boss Hogg (1-3).
** PorNada DEF Sex Panther by 13.82 points **
Ummmm…uhhhhhhh….all I can say is…Aaron Rodgers (QB – GB / 51.36). Has there ever been as strong of a showing from one single player? Producing roughly 1/3 of PorNada’s total points, this game was in the bag once Sunday afternoon rolled around. Sex Panther’s Josh Freeman (QB – TB / 24.59), even being the team’s point leader, had no chance from the cheesehead apocalypse. Next week PorNada (1-3) will play The Little Guy (3-1) while Sex Panther (1-3) will play Mad Max’s Mama (2-2).
** The Little Guy DEF Sobchak Security by 17.11 points **
Not much to say in the matchup, two strong teams faced up and The Little Guy was the winner thanks to strong games from LeGarrette Blount (RB – TB / 25.80) and Detroit (Def – Det / 23.76) despite Justin Tuck (DE – NYG / 0.00) sucking it up like usual DITCH HIMMMMMM. Sobchak Security has a fairly ho-hum weekend with team leaders in Dan Carpenter (K – Mia / 19.00) and Philip Rivers (QB – SD / 17.64) but this week was about the blowout players, not consistent ones! Next week The Little Guy (3-1) will play PorNada (1-3) while Sobchak Security (2-2) will play Guns of the Navarone (3-1)
ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** two hand touch DEF Boss Hogg by 58.67 points **
The only true blowout of the week would be led by two hand touch’s Matt Forte (RB – Chi / 30.90) and New York (DEF – NYJ / 27.94), ANOTHER winning duo package. Boss Hogg’s QB, Jay Cutler (QB – Chi / 1.54), must have had low blood sugar and decided to call it an early weekend while Desmond Bishop (LB – GB / 22.50) fought to pick up the slack to no avail. Next week two hand touch (2-2) will play GrNeGgSnHaM (1-3) while Boss Hogg (1-3) will play Wildcats Rule (1-3).
RON PAUL’S GOLD STANDARD MVP OF THE WEEK:
This week’s RPGSMVPOTW goes to the king of TitleTown USA, Aaron Rodgers (QB – GB / 51.36). With 4 passing touchdowns + 2 rushing touchdowns against the ailing Denver Broncos (Sorry Jeff!) Rodgers sought to finally shut up the “Brett Favre is forever quarterback of Green Bay” club. Well I’m sorry Brent but unless you’re rocking civil war-era muttonchops or a championship belt you’ll never be a RPGSMVPOTW. Now go back to your wrangler commercials and dick-pics.
Signed,
A forever bitter Packers Fan
