That’s it! Screw Jeff and his fancy calculations! I feel I am ready to predict the winner of Unnatural Positions 2011 League. And the winner is…..oh who am I kidding it’s going to be a battle of Guns of the Navarone and browns backups. Everyone else should just give up and go home. Accept your fate or fight to live another day managers! Don’t let evil prevail.
BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** Ron Paul 4 Lyfe DEF Wildcats Rule by 1.54 points **
In a very close game RP4L would prevail with, surprise, his wide-receiving duo! Producing the most points for his team RP4L would look at none other then Larry Fitzgerald (WR – Ari / 21.05) to bail his butt out against a strong opponent. Wildcats Rule could not overcome the opposition despite strong games from Tom Brady (QB – NE / 28.78) and Chris Johnson (RB – Ten / 29.20). Next week Ron Paul 4 Lyfe (4-6) will play RN to the Rescue (6-4) while Wildcats Rule (5-5) will play The Little Guy (6-4).
** Mad Max’s Mama DEF browns backups by 2.96 points **
Ok I feel guilty. Initially I automatically had browns backups defeating MMM….consider it muscle memory at this point in time. MMM saw the promised land when Michael Bush (RB – Oak / 33.65) put out extraordinary numbers with Patrick Willis (LB – SF / 19.50) pulling his own weight. browns backups had an overall consistent game but only had one player breach the 20 point barrier, David Akers (K – SF / 23.50). Next week Mad Max’s Mama (5-5) will play PorNada (4-6) while browns backups (8-2) will play two hand touch (5-5).
** Guns of the Navarone DEF Boss Hogg by 11.08 points **
GotN should have been sweating from such poor WR play but thanks to his RB disastrous duo, Maurice Jones-Drew (RB – Jac / 26.10) and Rashard Mendenhall (RB – Pit / 23.75), he continues to reign supreme in his division. Boss Hogg felt the hurt from Jay Cutler (QB – Chi / 4.26) but had a ray of hope from DeMarco Murray (RB – Dal / 26.05). Next week Guns of the Navarone (8-2) will try to continue his dominance against Pack-Men (4-6) while Boss Hogg (5-5) will play Sobchak Security (5-5).
** RN to the Rescue DEF Sex Panther by 14.56 points **
So like any good rival Sex Panther saw Ron Paul 4 Lyfe’s record and felt like parity was needed, surely that’s why 7 of his players decided to give him sub-10 point games. Sex Panther felt the disappointing sting of defeat thanks to Roddy White (WR – Atl / 4.10) and James Harrison (LB – Pit / 5.00). RN on the other hand saw Marshawn Lynch (RB – Sea / 31.60) hit “beast mode” while Joshua Cribbs (WR – Cle / 3.56) decided to sit at home to watch Meet the Press. Next week RN to the Rescue (6-4) will play Ron Paul 4 Lyfe (4-6) while Sex Panther (4-6) will play GrNeGgSnHaM (1-9).
** Sobchak Security DEF Pack-Men by 18.02 points **
There was no doubt that going against the strongest defensive showing I have ever seen in this league Pack-Men would taste bitter defeat. Holy smokes! SS’s Chicago (DEF – Chi / 44.88) just dominated despite Stevie Johnson's (WR – Buf / 0.90) lame showing! Pack-Men fought hard with points leaders Dallas (Def – Dal / 21.08) and Navorro Bowman (LB – SF / 21.50). Next week Sobchak Security (5-5) will play Boss Hogg (5-5) while Pack-Men (4-6) will play Guns of the Navarone (8-2).
** The Little Guy DEF GrNeGgSnHaM by 22.48 points **
Ouch! Despite a strong game from Tony Romo (QB – Dal / 26.70) GrNeGgSnHaM felt the bite of defeat once again from 9 of their players falling under the 10 point mark. The Little Guy saw his lead point earners emerge from his defensive corp this week. Roman Harper (S – NO / 22.00) and Charles Woodson (CB – GB / 14.00) were among his top point earners. Next week The Little Guy (6-4) will play Wildcats Rule (5-5) while GrNeGgSnHaM (1-9) will continue to look for the elusive win against Sex Panther (4-6).
ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** PorNada DEF two hand touch by 46.83 points **
Did someone get the number off that truck? Oh god who is that twisted corpse in the road!? Is it two hand touch? Oh the humanity! What’s there to say…PorNada’s Aaron Rodgers (QB – GB / 35.35) continues to be one of the most productive QBs in the league while John Kasay (K – NO / 24.00) kicks wins left and right. two hand touch had an awesome game from Arian Foster (RB – Hou / 30.80) but could not offset the anemic performance from the rest of his squad. Next week PorNada (4-6) will play Mad Max’s Mama (5-5) while two hand touch (5-5) will play browns backups (8-2).
RON PAUL’S GOLD STANDARD MVP OF THE WEEK:
This week’s RPGSMVPOTW should go to the king of deep dish pizzas and mobsters, Chicago (Def – Chi / 44.88)! I’m not much for this communism stuff but in this case the proletariat came through and delivered an insane performance against a longtime rival, Detroit. Way to give the Packers, the very ideal of socialism, a larger lead in the NFC! Welcome comrades to another controlled, anti- free market dominated season…I hope you are all happy!
