Hey…what’s that? Is it the light at the end of the tunnel? With only 2 more regular season games left in the league we already have 3 out of 8 playoff spots locked up. While Guns of the Navarone, RN to the Rescue, and browns backups can afford to sit back and enjoy a margarita or two, the rest of the league will be locked in a bloodbath. The American League has virtually every remaining team sitting on the playoff bubble with 2 (6-6) teams and 3 (5-7) teams. The National League on the other hand is running the gamut with records anywhere from (2-10) up to (7-5). Hold on to your butts people, it’s going to get interesting.
BARN-BURNER OF THE WEEK:
** browns backups DEF PorNada by 0.42 points **
Talk about a razors edge margin! In a soul-crushing loss for PorNada and a ticket to the playoffs for browns backups this was an exciting game for both owners. PorNada once again relied on consistent Aaron Rodgers (QB – GB / 20.79) while an uncertain at times Willis McGahee (RB – Den / 17.35) proved to be a good choice. All of that was for nothing though when browns backups pulled out the defensive big guns with Baltimore (Def – Bal / 19.28) and Terrell Suggs (LB – Bal / 17.50) having great days. Next week browns backups (9-3) will play The Little Guy (7-5) while PorNada (5-7) will play Wildcats Rule (5-7).
** Ron Paul 4 Lyfe DEF Boss Hogg by 3.41 points **
Clinging desperately to the hopes of a playoff spot RP4L snatched victory from the hands of Boss Hogg. Despite poor games from 5 of his players RP4L’s BenJarvus Green-Ellis (RB – NE / 21.20) and Ryan Mathews (RB – SD / 18.35) picked up the slack. Boss Hogg had a surprisingly good day from St Louis (Def – StL / 21.52) but did not get the expected points from Jordy Nelson (WR – GB / 2.30). Next week Ron Paul 4 Lyfe (5-7) will play Guns of the Navarone (9-3) while Boss Hogg (6-6) will play Sex Panther (5-7).
** Sobchak Security DEF GrNeGgSnHaM by 15.76 points **
I refuse to believe Tim Tebow (QB – Den / 24.11) is a real quarterback. He’s got to be a gimmick….nope…..can’t believe it. Not only did Sobchak Security benefit from his lord and savior but he also had a strong game from Rob Bironas (K – Ten / 19.50) despite a missed kick in the game. GrNeGgSnHaM continued to dig a grave with 8 players in the single digit category. Notable players on GrNeGgSnHaM’s side included Victor Cruz (WR – NYG / 22.10) and Ray Rice (RB – Bal / 15.40). Next week Sobchak Security (6-6) will play RN to the Rescue (8-4) while GrNeGgSnHaM (2-10) will play Mad Max’s Mama (6-6).
** RN to the Rescue DEF Wildcats Rule by 24.72 points **
You know what, screw Tebow. Bresus is the true savior. What a matchup with two incredibly well played quarterbacks. In the left corner was RN to the Rescue’s Drew Brees (QB – NO / 40.56) who ran a clinic on the Giants defense. In the right corner was Wildcats Rule’s Tom Brady (QB – NE / 31.52) who despite putting up great numbers fell short of Dats Who. Guess you’ll just have to go home to your supermodel wife and sob quietly into a pillow Tom. Next week RN to the Rescue (8-4) will play Sobchak Security (6-6) while Wildcats Rule (5-7) will play PorNada (5-7).
** Mad Max’s Mama DEF two hand touch by 25.01 points **
In post-game smack talk Mad Max’s Mama was quoted “my kicker sure helped me along! Defense didn’t help though…”. Well that pretty much sums it up! Mad Max’s Mama’s Sebastian Janikowski (K – Oak / 33.00) would be her top scorer by a long shot while Philadelphia (Def – Phi / -2.22) decided to put on greenman suits and drink riot punch instead of actually playing. two hand touch had a great game from Matt Ryan (QB – Atl / 28.09) but was also let down by his defense, San Diego (Def – SD / 2.74). Next week Mad Max’s Mama (6-6) will play GrNeGgSnHaM (2-10) while two hand touch (6-6) will play Pack-Men (5-7).
** Sex Panther DEF Guns of the Navarone by 30.04 points **
I’m not even going to comment on the smack talk between these two this week. Sex Panther, although with no superstars this week, won on the basis of consistency with 10 out of 12 players pulling double digit numbers. Among top scorers for Sex Panther were LeSean McCoy (RB – Phi / 15.05) and Billy Cundiff (K – Bal / 15.00). Guns of the Navarone was let down by an uncharacteristically bad San Francisco (Def – SF / 2.86) and a bipolar Vincent Jackson (WR – SD / 1.75). Next week Sex Panther (5-7) will play Boss Hogg (6-6) while Guns of the Navarone (9-3) will play (Edi. Note: be crushed by) Ron Paul 4 Lyfe (5-7).
ASS-KICKING OF THE WEEK:
** Pack-Men DEF The Little Guy by 53.01 points **
Welcome to bizarro NFL, where Sexy Rexy aka Grossmania aka Rex Grossman (QB – Was / 19.33) can beat Cammy-cam-cam Cam Newton (QB – Car / 19.31) in points. Helping Pack-Men seal the deal was the poor-mans Forte, Reggie Bush (RB – Ari / 30.40). The Little Guy could only watch in horror when both Dez Bryant (WR – Dal / 2.90) and Devin Hester (WR – Chi / 0.92) had pathetic games. Next week Pack-Men (5-7) will play two hand touch (6-6) while The Little Guy (7-5) will play browns backups (9-3).
RON PAUL’S GOLD STANDARD MVP OF THE WEEK:
This week’s RPGSMVPOTW goes to Katrina survivor Drew Brees (QB – NO / 40.56). With 4 TDs, 0 Ints, 363 passing yards, and a passing rating of 129.6 there was no stopping this offensive juggernaut. Honestly it’s hard to make fun of the guy, even if he does like Chilis. So a toast to you Mr. Brees, may you get crushed in the NFC championship game by the Packers. Cheers!
